Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Keep Calm

This delightful reminder to stop taking myself so seriously made it's way bravely across the Atlantic Ocean. It weathered various hardships and survived the breaking of it's protective glass. Now it sits on my desk and mocks me. That's right - it mocks me. With it's beautiful green print and it's smug laissez-faire attitude. *sigh* If only it were that easy.

I have allowed myself to stress out again - big time. Ya'll know how I get, right? I have a problem that becomes a tail-chaser, and I practically turn myself to butter like the tigers in Little Black Sambo... or perhaps I could find a less racist comparison... This particular muddle is a well worn refrain: I need to go back to work but child care is mucho expensive - can we really afford to pay out an average of 2/3 of my wage in child care? Also, my career involves early and/or late hours including weekends and holidays. With a husband who travels for work (and therefore can't be reliable back-up), how can I go back to the spa? If I DO, then when will I see my family? This is what happened when we fell apart the first time! But if I don't go back to massage, how will I earn even enough to pay for child care never mind contribute to the household? BUT if I don't go back to work, will we EVER be able to stop living paycheck-to-paycheck?!... you see where this is heading, right? Mental instability and sleepless nights, that's where...

So I'm making stuff. Again. It's insane. I start to obsess, then I just shuffle zombie-like over to the computer. If I was already on the computer (say, looking for jobs), I just open a new tab for... wait for it... Pinterest, and start browsing for something that I can make NOW.

So, in addition to the macrame bracelets:

And the Viking fort and the Astrid costume and the garden, there is also some Celtic knot-work:

(toddler headband on the left & random, useless Celtic Heart Knot made from twine on the right)

Dream catchers woven into metal links:

(possibly to be made into bracelets or necklaces? possibly just because I like them :-/)

A new blanket for LR:

I bought the fabric and trim intending to make a blanket for our neighbor who was very pregnant at the time. When I got home, I realized that while the coral of the trim was one of the colors in the baby's room, the pattern and color combination were strictly my taste, and not my neighbor's taste at all... so it sat around waiting for me to have a crafting emergency... I finished it this past weekend in just under 2 hours... Lily Ruth LOVES it :-P

And now we come to what may be the death of me. Tiny pom poms. I saw a garland on Honestly WTF a few weeks back, and the thought of it has haunted me. I almost bought an actual pom pom maker (no lie - there IS such a thing), but then I saw the tutorial for making pom poms with a fork (A FORK?! I have one of those!), so I spent the $7 that I would have spent on the pom pom maker on tiny cards of yarn instead! Check me out:

*sigh* Well, I may not be gainfully employed full-time, but my life is gaining color, splash and spice... right? That counts... right? *double sigh* I wish that somebody would pay me to make all of this stuff. Anybody know a benefactor with a weakness for home-spun craftiness? And don't say 'Etsy' to me. Some of this stuff takes way more time to make than I could re-coup in selling prices. I want a flat-out benefactor or a full time job with child care. Make it happen. Toute de suite.

... I talked this all over with Kittyn - the one who sent me the Keep Calm picture - and she suggested that perhaps my angst is due to a sense of defeated expectations. I really didn't picture my life looking like this right now. Despite the fact that taken big-picture, my life is pretty damn good, I still expected to be in a different place right now. I mean, the big 4-0 is right around the corner. I fully expected to have more stuff figured out by now! I already went back to school and found a career that I love, so why isn't the rest of it all just falling into place? I expected to be working full time, and even working hard. What I didn't expect was constant uncertainty and/or worry. I expected to feel like a grown up... you know - steady job, bills paid, work all week & weekends are for family... grown up stuff... yet here I sit. Me. Just me in a 39-year-old body. When do the grown ups get here?

p.s. Aside from the blanket (which is me sewing two pieces of fabric together then adding a satin edge), all of these projects are on my Pinterest boards. You can find me as lilyruthsmama (big surprise). If you want/need a Pinterest invitation, just ask me :-)

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