Vignettes From My Edge

I started this post in mid-March, and I wandered off without publishing it, because it seemed like such a Debbie Downer. But it is a realistic snapshot of that time, so I'm going to let it stand. And I am going to move forward with a new post as well... let's see if I ever get around to publishing it...

03/27/15

So, what exactly does it say about my life when I break one of my toes yet don't notice for at least a day (possibly longer)? Also, what is the universe trying to tell me when I whack that same poor toe really REALLY hard with a rake the day after I notice that it is broken?

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Alec D is has officially entered the Terrible Twos. I don't like to label things so off-handedly, but in his case, it is totally true. He woke up one morning with a burning desire to Do It Myself, shriek "NOOOOOOOOO!" at me all day, and ramp up the drama of any given situation to an 11. He is also in search of a larger vocabulary. He will jump up and down shouting "Ma-MEE-ah" (why the extra syllable all of a sudden?!) at me until I name every object / subject / event in our immediate area. When I hit upon the thing he wants to talk about, I then have to give him more words to describe it. It's exhausting - for both of us.

This is Alec just after he whispered "nooooooooooooo" at me. Notice the stubborn set to both his jaw and his eyes...

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I am so tired of food. This makes me incredibly sad, because I love food, but right now, I am sick of it. I have a husband who has finally actively joined me in a desire to erase processed foods... but he doesn't have to be in charge of the meal planning, shopping and preparation of said 'clean' meals. He just enjoys them, and feels good about the changes that we are making for our health and longevity. Then I have 2 kiddos who are so picky that their diets currently consist of somewhere between 6 and 10 foods... oh, and the 11-year-old nephew who joins us for dinner most nights is crazy-picky too, but about different things than my guys. So I spend intense amounts of time and effort each day worrying about how to feed my family healthy food that they will eat, yet Don and I are the only ones who eat a full meal on any given night. The rest of them pick and poke and frown and ask to be excused. Just thinking about it makes me tired. And I have lost my love of dinner. By the end of the meal, I just want everyone to go to bed. I don't care if it's only 6:30 - do not speak to me again until I have calmed down... and that may take a while.

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Lily Ruth is really coming into her own. She is blossoming from a shy little bud of a kindergartener who only ever wanted to play School and could only play with her friends if they let her be in charge into a much more willing participant who can almost read, speaks up in groups and has learned how to let her friends have choices and control when they play together. She is sillier and funnier than ever. She is bold with color and has a beautifully open fashion sense. I cannot WAIT to see what's next!

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We went on vacation last week. When you have small children, vacations aren't really a break for Mama. Vacations just mean that all of your regular routine still needs to happen, but without the benefit of your own things, familiar surroundings, or playdates to take the edge off. We still managed to have a wonderful time. The kids were fantastic, the scenery was incredible, and I now have a new fitness goal - to be strong enough to attempt skiing in a year. I haven't wanted to ski since the first and only time that I attempted it 20 years ago, but after learning how to dress for cold weather, and realizing that there is a lot to see up there that I can't get to without riding up that lift, I want to try again.

I also want to spend more time alone with my husband. He's wonderful, and even though we are together every night, we are so tired and stressed right now that I feel like I miss him.

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There is so much going on that my head spins 24/7. Much of it is just not my story to tell, so I end up writing nothing. *sigh* Well, there are a lot of fun things coming up - including VBS (and I am in charge of crafts!!!!), so perhaps I will find a comfortable groove and a story to tell soon.

Love you anyway!

A Wonderful Vacation

I never made time to tell you about our vacation! Sorry - stuff got a little wild there for a while...

We Doyles made our way to Florida to meet up with the British contingency in order to celebrate Kittyn's 40th birthday. What with my diseased gallbladder, Kittyn's deteriorating back condition and BOTH of us being in our first trimester at the time (:-0), it wasn't your typical Florida vacation. It was WONDERFUL, though.

The weather was colder than we had originally anticipated. Sandy had blown past Florida a day or so before, and was on her way to decimate the Northern states. In her wake, she left very little damage to Florida, but the temperatures were much lower than the seasonal norm. Kittyn and I had specifically planned lots of sunny beach loll-ing time, and we did not get it.

What we did get, was lots of other cool stuff.

A visit to a real swamp with real alligators who were standing RIGHT NEAR US. Now, despite the slightly cheese website and terrifyingly sulfurous entry, this ended up being an incredible day with a great guide at Jungle Adventures Nature Park.

A very cold gator - too cold to move!

So very, very close to the fence :-O

An encounter with giraffes who were, quite frankly, cracker whores at the Brevard County Zoo.

Matt and his new... um... girlfriend?

GIMME THE CRACKER, MAN! 

An unexpectedly fun Halloween spent at the mall (??!!) and at "home".

A bit overwhelmed by her candy haul and all of the costumes.

A Zombie, Pirate, Skeleton Ballerina  and Peter Pan scoop out the pumpkin

 A fun day at Disneyworld complete with princesses and stolen moments.

Wuv... Twu wuv...

She's so happy, but so nervous! The face is PRICELESS!

A great day at beautiful Cocoa Beach. Even in November, just days after a big storm, it was still warm enough to frolic on the sand and in the water. A good thing, because it ended up being our only beach day.

Turning Maddie  into a mermaid on Cocoa Beach

A Lily Ruth Mermaid

A wonderful birthday dinner for Robyn.

They just had to squeeze into the picture!

 

Another unexpectedly neat adventure on a boat tour... another day that we were afraid was going to be cheesy and ended up being awesome. I would show you dolphins and manatees, but we were too busy watching them to get any pictures!

And last but not least - a day at Sea World. My favorite bit... because of this:

That's right, people - I WAS PETTING DOLPHINS. Now, I know that this is not earth-shattering. In fact, I've done it before - we have a Sea World here in town for heaven's sake. But it never gets old. Marine mammals hold a special place in my heart :-)

I could bore - I mean bomb you with more pictures of our adventures, but I have grown weary of uploading. If you want to see more, you'll have to come over to my house... Alright, alright! Stop begging already! You're embarrassing yourself! :-P Here are 3... o.k. 4... more that I found on Don's phone :-)

He likes this one too :-)

I absolutely cannot resist a "kid squatting to play in the sand" picture 

There are 4 children and 2 adults in this picture ;-)

Tired but so happy :-)

Return of Lily Ruth's Mama

I'm back! Or rather, I'm still here :-) We took a week and went to San Diego then Scottsdale. We saw lots of cool things and had a wonderful visit with a large group of our family.

Lily Ruth was amazing on our trip. A fantastic travel partner on both airplane rides. A super duper trooper during our looong car trip through the desert. A charming and hilarious sidekick for all of our mini-adventures along the way.

We are all HUGE fans of the San Diego Zoo. Our only glitch was in under-dressing. We were prepared for a 70 degree day - it was colder and MUCH windier. We ended up purchasing a fleece zip-up jacket to use as a blanket for Lily Ruth and a pair of 'children-size' gloves that she is now in love with. These pictures really crack me up!

Those cartoonishly large hands and that happy face!

We spent the morning on foot at the zoo, and returned after dark to ride the double-decker bus. We were basically the only people riding at that time. Lily Ruth got to sit in the front seat on the top level and watch the nighttime zoo go by. We stayed on for 2 (or was it 3?) full cycles around the park. It was wonderful.

She wasn't as thrilled with the Birch Aquarium. It is short on aquatic mammals and big on science demos. She did develop a love for pushing exhibit buttons and turning dials. She only agreed to one photo:

After that, I had to catch her on the sly:

'Where are the pictures of you?' You might be asking yourself... well... we're at the part that has kept me so quiet lately. I had one of 'those' moments. You know the ones - you've been chugging along thinking that everything was fine (or at least fine-ish)... then somebody takes a picture of you, and you get a long look at yourself. *sigh* I knew that I was puffing up a bit. My pants have become too tight, and my shirts are lumpy... but if I just took quick peeks in the mirror and only checked things like my makeup or hair, then I could put it off. Now, I can't - because there's this:

Worn down, dragged out, and much larger than I had allowed myself to believe. This year has taken a toll on me. It's time to stop letting that be o.k. Time to make a plan for becoming the woman that I want to be - strong, vital and full of joy. Time to stop physically dragging my sadness around as extra weight and exhaustion. Time to talk to somebody about the depression.

Thanks for listening, you guys. As I work out my plan, I'll fill you in on the details. For now, writing it down is serving as my impetus for motion.

I have more pictures to share, and even more crafting (!!). Hopefully, working on removing the roadblock of delusion will mean the return of my voice. I'm sure that I'll have more to say soon... bear with me...