Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Easing Back Into Life

I'm still here. I'm still healing. Things are slowly returning to normal.

I'm trying to pay more attention. I feel like I have gotten a bit disconnected from my own daily life. I worry that I'm actually a bit depressed (again), and hadn't noticed. It's been hard for me to get anything done. Not just the stuff that I don't want to do (like chores), but also the stuff that I say I'll do and then just flat-out forget and stuff that I want to do, but somehow never make time for.

It's also really, really hot here. We're talking so hot that it's hard to leave the house. I allowed our routine to become a bit Morning Outing Then Lunch Then Nap Then......... nothing. O.k., maybe 'nothing' is a bit harsh - sometimes we make it to the grocery store...

But I'm trying again. I'm paying attention again. I'm getting things done again. I even started a blog post about recipes that I've made recently, but I got bored with it. I'll finish it later. Let's play My Life in Snippets of Talk and Photos instead.

I made my first baby blanket! This was the stuff that I had picked out for the baby I lost. It will instead be for my friend who is having her first baby (a boy!) this November. I love the colors. It has inspired me to make one for Lily Ruth as well. It will have the same backing and edging, but a different (girly-er) flannel:

Lily Ruth and I have been trying to get out of the house every day, but some days are harder than others. Some days, it's 107 degrees in the shade, and you have to eat your Dora the Explorer popsicle FAST before she becomes a puddle:

OR, you repeatedly tell your Mama that you want to stay home all day, but she drags you out of the house anyway, so you're forced to have an epic tantrum in your carseat then pass out so that Mama is stuck sitting in the car for an hour and a half while you nap:

But then, there are good days. Days when Mama drives all over trying to find ice cream at 10:30 am:

And days when you have lunch at the Taco Garage so you can 'eat chips and cheese with my FACE!':

We're also doing more art projects again. We were in kind of a creative slump. No energy. No inspiration. Then Lily Ruth started carrying a package of paintbrushes in her 'purse', so I decided that it was time to get some paints out. Friends gave Lily Ruth a finger paint set for her birthday. They're gel paints, and I have no experience with those. I was a bit hesitant about them, and I'm still not crazy about them, but they're fun and fairly easy to clean up.

In typical Lily Ruth fashion, she started off on the paper, but soon began painting her body 'on the sly' - checking out of the corner of her eye for any possible negative reactions:

Then she gingerly applied some to her nose while pretending to sniff her hands:

Then I grabbed a brush and we giggled while we painted almost all of her tiny body:

(Note the use of Mama's bead necklace as a headband) She loves it when I paint on her :-) These gel paints are gorgeous in the pots, but tend to be a bit washed out once applied to paper or skin unless they are applied in thick globs. Lily Ruth likes for me to glob on the paint in a pattern. She then rubs it around with her hands until it's smooth. Then she demands 'Moe, mama, MOE' (more) or 'draw heart, Mama!'

So, there you have it. Nothing earth-shattering. Just everyday good stuff. I'm re-learning how to be more like myself. Lily Ruth is learning how to be her own self.


  1. I can't imagine it being that hot all of the time. At least there IS ice cream. And air conditioning. I feel bad for you. Jon's there now, sweating like a pig. Don't worry, Mama. We'll find our way back, right? I've taken to making a thousand lists. However, I forget where I put the list and then have to make another one. Goodness...

  2. I recently had a miscarriage and I feel the same way you do.. I know there are things I need to do around the house but I just don't want to do it. I'm also a pretty arts and crafty person but haven't really done much besides letting my daughter make necklaces...

  3. G - I wish you were here with Jon. We could sweat our butts off together and make lists.

    A - Miscarriage is a hard thing to get past. It's hard emotionally and it's hard physically. I'm trying to give myself permission to take the time to heal. That seems to be the hardest part for me. Since I don't get to be pregnant, I just want to be NORMAL... it'll come...