Friday, September 3, 2010

Yours, Mine & Ours

I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. My brain is just to busy... as are most of my housemates. We have a packed house. My in-laws in the guest room. Bing (inexplicably) inside the buffet. Lily Ruth in our bed earlier then usual. Frank in the house instead of outside. Keely inches and seconds away from leaping into our bed if the thunder continues.

Keely is in the midst of some allergy-driven misery, so she scratches and chews on herself pretty much non-stop. Bing has gotten himself so bound up that Daddy Don asked if we should put him down - and he wasn't kidding. Frank is being forced to stay inside tonight due to the weather, and he has not stopped letting me know how ticked off he is about it.

Then there is Lily Ruth. She normally sleeps in her own bed until at least midnight, but tonight she seemed to sense the unrest in the house, and came in before 11. I was still reading, so she nursed with an arm thrown over her eyes. Then she sat up to play with Frank. Then she tossed and turned and bleated for more nursing. I grew steadily more resentful with each passing minute. This is my quiet time, and I just wanted to read. I finally gave up and turned out the light with a maximum amount of huffiness. The tossing and turning recommenced.

Lily Ruth could not find a comfortable spot. She finally tried flinging herself across my body, and landed with her cheek across my mouth. I told myself 'she cannot possibly stay this way. She'll move soon'. I was wrong. She was perfectly comfortable. She doesn't seem to see a distinction between her body and mine. If I have something she needs, she takes it. Strength, height, padding, courage, food. If she finds herself lacking in an area, she reaches for me. She knows that I have what she needs, and I will give it to her. I've worried lately that I haven't been firm enough in setting certain boundaries with her. Tonight I realized that there are a few boundaries that I don't mind her crossing. For now, we can continue to share my body as we have done since she was conceived. All too soon she will push me away (as she should) and demand to stand on her own.

Eventually, I gently moved her off me, and Frank rushed up to give her a head-but. Jerk. She pushed him out of the way and flipped to her other side. Her next position of choice had her tiny buns snuggled up against my ribcage just under my boobs with her knees bent and her feet against my tummy. I thought that this was going to be a long-term pose because she could reach an arm out and easily touch her Daddy from there, but no, the unrest continued.

She launched herself off of me, dove over to daddy, shoved an arm under his torso, and threw a leg over his ribs. She looked like a starfish clinging to a rock. She shares Daddy's body too, but in a different way. He doesn't mind either.

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