Disappointed

That's right. I'm disappointed - in myself. This has been a hard weekend. Even though it had great moments - Don's sister and her daughter stayed Friday night and my family (plus Don's sister) came over for dinner last night. Those things were great, but for the most part, it was a tough time. Lily Ruth is yet again not napping well or sleeping for long stretches at night, so I am exhausted. And because of all the great family time that we had, I had ZERO alone time and maybe 20 minutes without the baby so I'm headed into the week in a deficit. Also, I am STILL fighting the crying it out, so I spend a LOT of time rocking the baby.

The worst part of it is, I brought it all on myself. We were doing so great! Lily Ruth napped and slept and I spent her quiet time actually getting stuff done. Then Lily started teething again, I reached my limit on the CIO, and everything went down the tubes. Now there is a lot of this...



There are so many things I want to do each day! I want to make Christmas stockings. I want to play with my dog more. I want to figure out how to tweak my make-up routine so that I don't look like a zombie all of the time... you know, stuff. Instead, I dither around waiting for my beautiful baby to either fall asleep or wake up while frantically trying to eat something, pump for the milk bank, pee, shower, check my e-mails and spend maybe 5 minutes on the phone (knowing that my voice will probably wake her up) before she wakes. I know that this stage of her life will not last forever. In fact, she is growing and changing so fast that it startles me. I will be looking right at her and think 'I'm missing it! I must have blinked, because I missed something!'.

Wait - I'm off track. Disappointed - in me. So, not only do I feel pitiful about having no 'me time', but I was a horrible bitch to my husband all day. It started with his breathing. Seriously - I woke up to him breathing morning breath on me and Lily Ruth, and it went downhill from there. Every thing he said, didn't say, did or didn't do just irritated me beyond belief. And he had no idea. I just fumed and snipped and grumped through the day. Nice. Hey, what's the deal with post-pregnancy hormones? I need to look it up. Could I be having my usual cycle without Aunt Flo? Because that would explain A LOT. I am a lunatic, and I want something to blame it on.

So, yeah - I accomplished nothing productive, I acted like a bitch, and I get to start out my week resentful and overtired... well, I COULD strip off the resentful bit like an itchy sweater, that might make things a bit better... lets do that. I'll just remind myself of some good stuff...

Like this toothy grin



Oh - and Friday she was kissing me so hard that I thought she was giving me a cheek hickey! I was laughing hysterically & when I backed off enough to see her face, she was sooooo serious about the whole thing that it set me off again



There's this picture in which I have managed to look human



AND, the fact that it finally got cold here. A strange thing to include on this list, but it meant that I had an excuse to wear baby leg warmers on my arms!



WAIT, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU! I finished a Christmas wreath! It looks a-w-e-s-o-m-e. I'll put a picture of it and a link to the (super easy) tutorial in my next post. Now, I must sign off and try to convince Frank to MOVE HIS STINKY CAT ASS off my bed. He has AWFUL gas tonight, and he is currently stationed near MY HEAD. Unacceptable... of course, as anyone who has ever tried to move Frank knows, he is a jerk when opposed, so this could get ugly. Sleep tight.