It feels like time is FLYING by. It seems like we hit a new milestone each day, and all I can do is hang on and keep my eyes (and my mind) wide open. I welcome each change, but they are also bittersweet. I can't WAIT for her to walk, but her first step will bring her that much closer to the day that she walks away from me and into a life of her own. My dearest hope is that when that day comes, she will do so feeling strong and confident and knowing that her Mama loves her fiercely.
WOW - that made me cry. Well, that's all I need to say about that right now, but I do have a few other things to say about what's going on these days...
I've been noodle-ing around the idea of finger foods. Not for snacking, but for small motor skills. She's doing ridiculously well grabbing things, but holding onto them is a challenge and tiny objects are still tough. Since everything she grasps goes straight into her mouth, it just makes sense to only give her tiny things if they are edible, and will not choke her. I think the idea of Gerber Puffs is genius. The problem I have is that all of this homemade baby food business has made me a bit of a snob. I know for a fact that she will ingest processed food someday. This is a given. I just can't seem to consider it as an option yet. My own Mama made my food. She cried the first time that I ate refined sugar. I've always known that story, but it never made any sense to me... until now. To that end, we went to Whole Foods this morning, and bought organic baby puffs... 3 different kinds. Then we came home and gave them a try :-P
She was a bit freaked out by the texture - and very much preferred scooping them into her lap than eating them - but all in all, it was a success.
I also realized today that I don't listen to enough music anymore. I've always lived surrounded by music. Even when I was pregnant, I always had the stereo on or my playlist up and running and Lily Ruth attended a Nine Inch Nails concert in her first trimester of life. It has only been since her birth that the house has become so quiet. Sometimes I remember to throw in some Philadelphia Chickens or Baby Mozart, but my music has gone silent.
Here's what brought this on. Now, I hesitated to write this because my Mama reads this, and she HATES it when I say negative things about myself, but one of my goals for myself in writing this blog was honesty about where I am. So here it is - I have felt really unattractive lately. This is not due to anything anyone else has said or not said. It's not even about having had a baby. I am proud that my body held and sheltered my baby through pregnancy and birth. I even made it through the whole thing without a single new stretch mark. Add in the fact that I'm down below my pre-baby weight, and I should be feeling pretty darn good. But I'm not. I feel frumpy and old and unattractive. Which is weird, because until this kicked in, I felt pretty good about how I look. Whatever. It'll pass. But in order to help alleviate this feeling (and maybe shed a few pounds), I decided to dance while I do chores. And by dance I mean full-out, full-on booty-shaking dancing. I want to rock out. I put on Reggata de Blanc by the Police -
that album rocks. What helped clue me in to the fact that I don't play enough music is the fact that Lily Ruth spent the first three tracks staring at me as though I had just grown a third arm on my forehead. After that, she warmed up, smiled at me and played with the toys on her exersaucer. After I finished the dishes, I scooped her up, and we danced together for a bit.
After that, I simmered some peaches with cardamom and cinnamon for my darling daughter, pureed them down, got them into an ice cube tray in the freezer and then realized that she had a fever (100.1˚), so I gave her some Tylenol, changed her into a cooler out fit and rocked her for a million years. Then I nursed her for an additional million additional years. Eventually, her fever broke and she seems to feel better now - I think it's just teething.
Whew! What a day. Oh, I mentioned yesterday that there were cute pictures. Well, let me preface this by saying that when I purchased them, I had NO IDEA that these pants were low rise. It may be the cutest/funniest thing I have ever seen on a baby...
In addition, she is growing more adventurous, and more beautiful every single day - it's terrifyingly marvelous. Here she is climbing over her diaper bag like it's a mountain -
I love you, Baby Lily Ruth. You have brought immeasurable joy to my world. Thank you for making me want to be the best me possible so that I can show that person to you.