Have I mentioned how much of a blessing my life is? I feel like it's way too easy for me to lose sight of that. Between losses and daily stress and repetitive chores it is so easy to fall into a Poor Me pattern. It even starts to be fun to wallow in a puddle of Woe Is Me and focus only on myself and How I Feel About Stuff... because... you know... my opinion is so damn important...
In case you can't tell, I've been a bit 'off' this week. I had a good week, but I wasn't at the top of my game mentally. I even went on a mini-strike in the kitchen. Not because I was angry, but because I'm lazy and it was easier to not do the dishes than to do them... I'm a gem.
Luckily, these days all I have to do to break that pattern is to really open my eyes. Right in front of me is an incredible little ray of sunshine. One who wants my attention and craves my hugs and demands that I make tacos for her.
Being almost two means that we have interesting patches in our days as she looks for boundaries and gets ready to push through them, but even in the midst of a whopper of a tantrum I can see her strength and her keen intelligence. She relishes her role as intrepid explorer of her world. She dances through her days on the balls of her feet as though she can't wait to get into the next ten minutes of her life.
She has reached a phase that includes not only 'NO Mama, Uth doit!' but also an intense need to catalogue and codify. Names aren't enough. Everyone is identified by who they know or are related to. Failing those types of bonds, it must be established how they fit into our world. This is why she was THRILLED down to her tiny toes when a grocery store cashier inquired about her eyes. 'Do those blue eyes come from your side of the family?' 'No,' I replied 'She has her daddy's blue eyes.' The eyes under discussion went hugely round and she gasped excitedly. 'DADDY'S EYES!? Uth daddy's eyes!?'
She is completely enamored with the concept of having eyes like daddy's. The very idea of it overtakes and delights her several times each day. If she hears the word eyes, she happily crows 'Uth daddy EYES!' If you ask her who's eyes she has, she will happily tell you that they're 'daddy's eyes'. If you ask her if she has eyes like Mama, she's laugh and say 'Nooooooooo! No Mama eyes. Uth DADDY EYES!'
Her daddy is just as thrilled as she is. His (much discussed) blue eyes light up any time that she's around, but when she babbles happily about being the same as her daddy, those eyes soften and their color deepens as he leans in close to kiss her head.
Moments like that are the reason why people keep agreeing to have children. Those moments of absolute love and contentment in the sea of toys, tantrums and silliness.