Vignettes From My Edge

I started this post in mid-March, and I wandered off without publishing it, because it seemed like such a Debbie Downer. But it is a realistic snapshot of that time, so I'm going to let it stand. And I am going to move forward with a new post as well... let's see if I ever get around to publishing it...

03/27/15

So, what exactly does it say about my life when I break one of my toes yet don't notice for at least a day (possibly longer)? Also, what is the universe trying to tell me when I whack that same poor toe really REALLY hard with a rake the day after I notice that it is broken?

---------------

Alec D is has officially entered the Terrible Twos. I don't like to label things so off-handedly, but in his case, it is totally true. He woke up one morning with a burning desire to Do It Myself, shriek "NOOOOOOOOO!" at me all day, and ramp up the drama of any given situation to an 11. He is also in search of a larger vocabulary. He will jump up and down shouting "Ma-MEE-ah" (why the extra syllable all of a sudden?!) at me until I name every object / subject / event in our immediate area. When I hit upon the thing he wants to talk about, I then have to give him more words to describe it. It's exhausting - for both of us.

This is Alec just after he whispered "nooooooooooooo" at me. Notice the stubborn set to both his jaw and his eyes...

---------------

I am so tired of food. This makes me incredibly sad, because I love food, but right now, I am sick of it. I have a husband who has finally actively joined me in a desire to erase processed foods... but he doesn't have to be in charge of the meal planning, shopping and preparation of said 'clean' meals. He just enjoys them, and feels good about the changes that we are making for our health and longevity. Then I have 2 kiddos who are so picky that their diets currently consist of somewhere between 6 and 10 foods... oh, and the 11-year-old nephew who joins us for dinner most nights is crazy-picky too, but about different things than my guys. So I spend intense amounts of time and effort each day worrying about how to feed my family healthy food that they will eat, yet Don and I are the only ones who eat a full meal on any given night. The rest of them pick and poke and frown and ask to be excused. Just thinking about it makes me tired. And I have lost my love of dinner. By the end of the meal, I just want everyone to go to bed. I don't care if it's only 6:30 - do not speak to me again until I have calmed down... and that may take a while.

---------------

Lily Ruth is really coming into her own. She is blossoming from a shy little bud of a kindergartener who only ever wanted to play School and could only play with her friends if they let her be in charge into a much more willing participant who can almost read, speaks up in groups and has learned how to let her friends have choices and control when they play together. She is sillier and funnier than ever. She is bold with color and has a beautifully open fashion sense. I cannot WAIT to see what's next!

---------------

We went on vacation last week. When you have small children, vacations aren't really a break for Mama. Vacations just mean that all of your regular routine still needs to happen, but without the benefit of your own things, familiar surroundings, or playdates to take the edge off. We still managed to have a wonderful time. The kids were fantastic, the scenery was incredible, and I now have a new fitness goal - to be strong enough to attempt skiing in a year. I haven't wanted to ski since the first and only time that I attempted it 20 years ago, but after learning how to dress for cold weather, and realizing that there is a lot to see up there that I can't get to without riding up that lift, I want to try again.

I also want to spend more time alone with my husband. He's wonderful, and even though we are together every night, we are so tired and stressed right now that I feel like I miss him.

---------------------

There is so much going on that my head spins 24/7. Much of it is just not my story to tell, so I end up writing nothing. *sigh* Well, there are a lot of fun things coming up - including VBS (and I am in charge of crafts!!!!), so perhaps I will find a comfortable groove and a story to tell soon.

Love you anyway!

Lily Ruth Turned Three!

... and I forgot to tell you about it... My camera crapped out in the middle of candle-blowing-out pictures (or at least, that's what Lily Ruth's Daddy claims, but it seems to be fine now...), so my Mama was the one who captured the lion's share of images from the party. As wonderful as that is, now i can't get my CD-ROM drive to spin up, so I can't share any of her pictures :-/

Here's what I do have:

Just before the party: 'hiiiiii-YA!'

soooooooooooooooo cute!

We knew that we were going to have balloons, but when I got the ribbons out for strings, she asked for streamers!

Lily Ruth's Nanny made cake and cupcakes in ice cream cones - YUM!

a low-res cell phone photo of us - I always end up in that dress...

 All in all, it was a GREAT party. Lots of friends, lots of crazy, running, swimming, eating kids. The Viking fort was a huge hit. As were Daddy's balloon-figure-making skills. He spent the afternoon fashioning swords, dragons and Viking helmets with a tiny balloon pump and a giant bag of balloons. I was so sick of the balloon popping noise that they are now banned for at least another month, but everyone else was in heaven.

We said goodbye to the last of our friends around 9 pm (!!!) and finally wound down enough to sleep around 10:45... well worth it!

To celebrate the actual day of her birth, it was just the three of us, lots of hugs and a few presents. Since she tried to change the theme of the party at the last minute, I set our dining table in her character of choice, and we talked about how happy we were (and continue to be) when she joined our family. We did not have another cake or any more candy :-P

 I put a '3' candle in a cup... genius.

Strawberry Shortcake table setting with presents from Mama & Daddy :-)

It's good to be three - just ask Lily Ruth.

Scenes From My Summer (So Far)

My daughter glowers at me from underneath furrowed brows. 'NO, Mama, it's not_______, it's ______!!!' We've had this exact same discussion every hour or so for the last week. It's exhausting.

Her new breakthrough issue is Being Right. She is Right every minute of the day, and she will tell you so - loudly. 'It's NOT a bow, it's a FLOWER' in response to a compliment on her hairdo. 'YOU need to go over there, then I will swim to you. GO' (when we get into the pool). 'You forgot to get me my agua. Get me a cup'... aaalllll day. I spend our time together correcting and redirecting her behavior. I end each day frustrated, irritated and longing for a break.

I want to take my fingers and soothe the scowl from her tiny face. I want to tickle her until she's giddy. I want to love and cherish our time together... but she pushes me away and insists that she's Right and I'm doing it wrong. I know that it's just a phase. I know that it's an important developmental breakthrough. I know that my job is to lovingly show her how to speak to other people, and to teach her to treat others with respect. I know all of those things. What I would really like is for someone else to be in charge today... and maybe tomorrow, too.

***************

Our little fish has taken up residence in the pool. Her day is spent planning her next excursion into the water. She leaps fearlessly into the rippling aqua depths. Surfacing for only enough time to take another breath and plunge back in. Her tiny body is so light that she bobs near the surface like a cork despite her best efforts to the contrary. She constantly asks for help getting to the bottom so she can walk, retrieve toys, or 'touch with two hands'.

She stands on the lowest step and yells 'I can do something - watch me do something!' As soon as she's sure that she has our full attention, she says 'when I slap the water, then I can go.' Her hands splash down, there's a big inhale, and she steps off. Her jump takes her buns-first toward to bottom for a few seconds, then she swirls like a mermaid and floats to the top. Her fingers reach lightly for the step, and she stays underwater; swaying and kicking until her air runs out. Her head pops up. her eyes light up and she says 'now we go underwater to-gev-her. Is that a good plan?' Well of course it is. Let's go, my love.

***************

Well, here I am - a Garden Person. I spend part of every day in the garden. Most days it's just a few quick minutes to check on everything and pick beans (and more beans, and more beans...) But some days require actual work. You know what? I don't mind. Even the days that are hot or mosquito filled are good days to be out there. Getting down near the plants. Looking closely at their foliage and stems for pests. Picking tiny weeds and prodding the earth to check moisture levels. These are all very good things. Very calming and centering things - and honestly, I could use a few more moments like that these days as my thoughts fly off the handle with the merest provocation and my anxieties about family and money and work (or the lack thereof) crowd my brain and make sleep a hard won commodity. The garden is there for me. Growing beautiful lettuce, sweet, juicy corn and beeeeeeeeans (and more beans). Reminding me that growth and change are good, but they still require work, patience and love.

***************

I have a new crafting obsession. You're not surprised - I can tell. This time, it's bracelets. Specifically, macrame bracelets. I wove strips of old T-shirts into boxed braids until my fingers were tired. Now I'm making tiny knots on slender threads. Hemp cord, embroidery thread, polished stones and beads. Alternating square knots and 17-stranded French sennits make it hard for me to think about other stuff. My mind is filled with candy and jewel tones side-by-side with rough natural fibers. Welcome to my newest coping technique - what can I make for you?

Lily Ruth-isms

I know I talk a lot (alot! :-P) about how ridiculously verbal my Angel is... this post is no exception. Her vocabulary and comprehension astound me. She not only says funny things, but she says them on purpose. She still uses the occasional 'baby word' that's so cute you just want to die ('b-puter' for computer and 'hoca-pontas' for Pocahontas), but then there are the stories...

----------

We pulled into the driveway at the same time that Daddy pulled up. Very exciting stuff.

"I need to run to Daddy!"

"O.k."

"Run like Tom Cruise!!!" (arms and legs pumping full speed in her carseat)

- 'run like Tom Cruise' is from an episode of Cougar Town. According to them, running like Tom Cruise is the fastest way to run. We've adopted it as our own family style of locomotion... obviously...

----------

Recently, Lily Ruth picked up a bag, loaded it with a few essentials, grabbed her 'cell phone' and announced: "I need to go to work. I have a deposition" as she trundled off toward the front of the house.

I responded with "excuse me?" so she stopped, looked me dead in the eye and repeated slowly (and loudly): "A DEPO-SITION."

Apparently, Daddy has been doing a lot of that lately, and the word has become impressed upon her growing brain... She's brought it up several times since then!

----------

I wasn't there, but here's how Don swears that it went down:

"Lily Ruth, what should we get Mama for Mother's Day?"
"We need to get mommy a cat."
"No, we're not going to mommy a cat. What else could we get her?"
"A dog. Named Butch."
"We already have a dog. What else could we get for Mommy?"
"A pretend dog. Named Butch."

He let the conversation trail off there.

That was a few days before Mother's Day. ON Mother's Day, they went shopping. In the car, he asked again:

"Lily Ruth, what do you think we should get for Mama?"
"Butch."
"What?"
"The pretend dog - Butch."

"How are we going to do that?"
"You'll see."

Then they made it into the store. He swears that in less than 1 minute, she stopped, pointed and said "There's Butch. Told you."

They came home with a stuffed dog 'for me'. That lasted about 5 minutes before Lily Ruth freaked out and claimed Butch as her own.


----------

We use Time Out as a discipline method. Usually, all I have to do is say 'time out for _____. Go.' and she goes to her room to calm down. Unless she has committed a serious infraction requiring the use of the timer, she is allowed to calm herself down and emerge when she's ready. Upon rejoining the group, she must look whoever she's apologizing to in the eye and apologize for the offense. The apology has to be specific.

In this case, she had been sent to time out for 'not being a good listener' (very common) and 'not following directions'. Here's what happened when she came out:

"You need to say sorry daddy."
"Sorry, Daddy."
"For?"
"Acting like a jerk."

:-O

- um, Mommy needs to cool it on the 'J' word. :-/

----------

She recently took my face in both hands and said: "You the perfect mama for me. I love you." I almost died. I'm keeping that one in the front of my brain to compensate for the "I not do ANYTHING for you any MORE!" moments... *sigh*

She's worth it.

I'm Still Here!

I've been a bit... well, blah since Bing's death. I felt a bit like I was just plain absent.

Life continues (as it always does),

We've slept in, laughed, gone to the zoo and even started potty training (!!!). You know, stuff.

Today I feel like I'm crawling out of a hole. I finally feel like taking care of my part of the world again. Luckily for me, my in-laws visited last week. Without their arrival to plan for, my house would now resemble a swamp. Instead, it's only moderately messy - more like charmingly disheveled. I think I can handle it.

Our garden is in glorious bloom! We've (organically) battled slugs, aphids, caterpillars and survived chronic shallow over-watering (SORRY!!! I'm learning over here!). One evening, we even released 2000 Lady Bugs:

It was awesome. They stayed around for a few days laying eggs, then they made their way into the rest of the world.

After that, we had several days of wonderful, drenching rain and it shows. My baby mescalun lettuces are ready to harvest:

Our bush beans have 5 pods (3 purple, 2 green):

The edamame all have pods:

The pole beans have flowers that will soon be buds:

The real superstar is the corn. Since the rain, it has grown at least a foot, the tops seeded out, and tassels are poking off the sides!

I even managed to start trying out some of the many things that I have recently 'pinned' to Pinterest.

I made bracelets out of  old T-shirts:

Using this tutorial:

Source: vanessachristenson.com via Rachel on Pinterest

I made a bracelet for my Mama:

Using an old earring and hemp twine and this tutorial:

Source: honestlywtf.com via Rachel on Pinterest

So, yeah. Still here. Moving forward and taking deep breaths. Rejoining the world. Maybe I'll even feel inspired to write something soon...

Being Lily Ruth (almost 3)

Being Lily Ruth can be exhausting. Some days, even though you really don't want to take a nap, you just might be enticed to hang out on a pallet on the floor to eat giant gummi butterflies and watch a movie... but you are NOT resting.

Being Lily Ruth can be complicated. You feel all sorts of excitement about spending the weekend at the coast, but when you get to the actual beach, you really really really loathe and despise sand and salt water. Picking up shells is cool. So is running in and out of the waves with your dog - as long as your mama will hold you. Being Lily Ruth means that your favorite part of the coast is walking out on a quarter-mile long pier and pretending that it's a boat that you are driving. You give mama and daddy tickets and yell 'Ahoy, Matey' a lot.

Being Lily Ruth means sending mixed signals. You can tell mama that you want to help her with your Fiesta shoebox float, but all you're really going to to is help with the glue at first then wander off with each element of the design after mama finishes it. You're really happy with the end result, though, and your Fiesta party at school is big fun... until you get overwhelmed and need a quiet moment.

Being Lily Ruth means acting wild with paints and teaching your friends to do the same. What's the point of getting paint out if you're not going to cover your whole body? And while you're at it, you might as well give your friends a few pointers on sticking your feet directly into bowls of finger paint - they'll thank you for it!

Being Lily Ruth means learning to be brave and strong and nearly fearless. It means climbing to the top of The Climber by yourself! It means watching the bigger kids carefully then copying their maneuvering techniques. It means being an excellent listener and following directions incredibly well when your mama (who threw out her back and is unable to climb with you) is attempting to explain how to use the wire mesh as toeholds from way down on the ground. It means enjoying your victory with a quiet moment alone at the top.

Being Lily Ruth means learning to ask questions. Real questions - not just an unending stream of 'why'. It means looking at things closely. It means holding everything that you are able to pick up. It means tasting new foods. It means perfecting new phrases. It means slowing down long enough to notice that your pole bean vines are PURPLE.

Being Lily Ruth at almost three years of age is fun. Just ask her - she'll tell you alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll about it.

Quintessentially Two... and a half... Almost Three

Lily Ruth has been feeling her age these days. In a good way. She is solidly and comfortably living in the lands of  I Can Do It, Why? and I Need to Help You Do That. It's been a ball - and I don't mean that sarcastically. It really has been fun!

From choosing her own outfits:

A princess skirt over jeans is never a bad choice

Mama's slippers and a felt tiara? Don't mind if I do!

 To demanding her own curlers while getting ready for Grandpa's birthday:

To getting hands-on with a glue/salt/watercolor project (from The Artful Parent):

The Finished Product

It's been a bit hilarious around here :-)

She also takes her own photos:

Makes her own Valentine's Day gifts for her class (with a small amount of help):

And keeps the tiny things that are most interseting to her in a special place:

She insisted on a Valentine's Day bag for herself as well. When it was done, she announced that she was going to 'put this away in my room'. When I went in there later, I found out that 'away' means 'in the middle of the floor'. It really cracked me up!

What with all the I DO IT activity over here, I've hardly had time to do any of my own stuff. I did manage to make a quick garland for Lily Ruth's room. It was time to replace Christmas lights, so we chose dancing hearts:

We also stole Kittyn's recycled crayon idea, and Lily Ruth took them to 'school' today to share them with her friends!

Lordy! When I look at all of this stuff, it makes me tired! No rest for the weary over here, though. I've got to finish up my contribution to the Parent's Day Out bake sale:

Since I don't really (successfully) bake, those are mini pretzel twists with chocolate hearts gently melted over the top and an m&am dotted into the center (based on an idea that I saw on pinterest). My biggest challenge is going to be not eating them all before time to drop them off! THEN I have to finish the laundry and clean up the house because my in-laws are coming - Lily Ruth's Mama and Lily Ruth's Daddy are having their first night away together since she was born! YAAAAAAAAY me!

Everything's coming up Rachel around here folks! My husband is taking me out of town, my mother-in-law wants to enter my dragon mask in a contest AND an old friend is interested in my storytelling skills - as in she wants to possibly publish me in an on-line magazine!!! I freaked out at first, because I don't consider myself to be an actual writer, but Kittyn reminded me that I AM a storyteller - and a pretty good one. When I think of it that way, it doesn't scare me as much, and I may even give it a go!

Now, if I could just translate all of this good fortune and hilarity into a J-O-B, that would be great...