Closure?

I'm a bit of a mess. I finally (physically) feel like the miscarriage is over, but I'm not ready to deal with the emotional component.

I had a Missed Miscarriage. The embryo stops growing, but your body doesn't get the message for a while. Your entire system continues to behave as though you are carrying a healthy pregnancy. From reading about it, four to five weeks before your loss is about average. The big difference this time around was that instead of just a really uncomfortable period, I actually had to go through labor. Not as intensely as giving birth to a full term infant, but unpleasant nonetheless. With the added awfulness of not having a baby at the end.

This weekend, I am more like myself. We've spent lots of time playing in a very rowdy manner with our daughter. I'm actually cooking meals and doing household chores. Our life is resuming it's rhythm.

I can go swimming again. Lily Ruth is thrilled. She is turning into a mermaid. She kicks and flips, turns and spins underwater. She can hold her breath for an astonishingly long time! I love the sound of her laughter bubbling up ahead of her as she bursts free of the water.

I washed and put away the maternity clothes. I have a friend who is almost ready to spill the beans at her job, so maybe she can use them.

I want to give that same friend a hand-made baby gift, but had not come up with an idea that pleased me. She's due in November, and having a boy. This morning, I remembered the tree frog flannel that I bought to make into a blanket for my little one. It will be perfect for them. Also, now it will not be staring at me every time that I open my crafting supplies.

One day at a time, right?

hiatus

I know that I said I was going to take a break before, but this time I mean it. I'm sure that Lily Ruth will continue to do amazing things like composing her first song ("I'll be right back. Gonna get some juice" - repeat until you fall asleep), remembering things that you told her three weeks ago and deciding that she really does need to go back to bed since she can't listen to Mama... but my heart is broken right now, and I need time to re-boot.

Our baby stopped growing about a month ago. My pregnancy is over.

Thank you for all of your love and support. We can hug later.