Big Ball of MAD.

Ya'll. I am brewing up a cauldron's worth of cranky over here. My darling husband had to cut his errands short in order to come get the Precious One before I lost it.

Let me break it down into layers...

Today: The cat peed on Lily Ruth's bed while we were out. I've cleansed, sprayed, aired, etc., and the smell will not leave! My Angel removed her own poopy diaper (a known no-no), and got herself out of taking a nap due to the bath necessitated by the poop on her legs and arms. She also dug into my makeup and confiscated my concealer stick - the brand new one. It took 20 minutes for her to apologize for that. Her daddy had to come home from running errands to grab her before I lost control. When he left, he grabbed the diaper bag - thus leaving with my wallet and my keys. So much for a solitary run to the grocery store. When he gets back, we'll have time for a hurried dinner before he leaves town for two nights. Again. Stupid job.

This month: My figure (while never sleek) is expanding at a rapid and unacceptable pace. None of my pants fit, and my tops are all lumpy and awkward. Since my actual weight has not changed, I must assume that I am rapidly converting muscle to fat. Charming. My hair is a spit, dry disaster. My hairdresser (who I've considered to be a friend for years) is blowing me off. My skin is a mess - pimples, dry flaky spots, oily slicks (ALL ON ONE FACE) - and the double chin I've developed just frames the mess so nicely.

Since we leave for our first ever family vacation in two days, perhaps I should just go completely retro in style. I think that this level of physical awkwardness deserves the full treatment - caftans, head scarves, giant sunglasses. Perhaps if I swathe myself in layers of Pucci prints and tortoise shell frames, my misery will fade into the background and 'campy' can be my new 'thing' - ooh! I could channel Nathan Lane's character from The Birdcage.


In general: Oh, and I have NO idea what to get my husband for Christmas. As part of our Celebrate Our Lives initiative, he is JAZZED about the present that he has chosen for me. I, on the other hand, am stumped. This turns something that should have been a labor of love into a chore of desperation.

Talk about a case of the Poor Me's! Cheese it! Can you see why I've been crafting like crazy? It's something to keep the funk at bay. In fact, you'll have to excuse me - I need to google a tulle skirt tutorial then drag out all of my fabric.

Control Freak Strikes Again

I totally figured out one of my own behavioral patterns! This is exciting, because I normally just breeze through them without understanding why I'm behaving a certain way and am therefore unable to stop myself.

When thing happen that are beyond my control, I begin casting about for things that I can control. This is not unique to me. I'm pretty sure that it's fairly common. I couldn't control the miscarriage or how my body reacted to it, so I cut my hair (classic move for me - I can totally control my hair), and decided that I wasn't working hard enough as a mother. I found an area in which I could consider myself as lacking, and began to beat myself up about it. I fixated on the fact that I haven't been terribly creative recently. I've been a bit complacent about our daily activities. Instead of giving myself a break and acknowledging that I may have needed some down time, I decided to look at crafting blogs and freak out about not giving my child enough artistic and creative stimulus. Waaaaaaaayyyyy healthy.

At least I figured out what I was doing before I got a serious case of the crazies :-)

I'm still looking for new ways for us to express ourselves creatively, but I'm not feeling an obsessive need to do it all TODAY. I can take the time to plan something out, and do it right. Yaaaaayyyyyyyy for bursts of self-awareness!

Today's Random Tidbits - 2

Today's Recipe: Cheese Sauce

First, I promised you Easter Lily pictures, so here they are, but just a few! I'm hoping that my mama got a some good ones as well. If so, I'll share :-)



Her Daddy chose her dress, and she was so ridiculously cute in it!

Second, here is what I accomplished today:
Pulled the remaining weeds in the front yard
Scrubbed the sides of the pool (not while in it)
Rearranged the living room furniture
Took down the winter curtain panels in the bedroom and put up the summer sheers
- may I mention that I did all of that after 4 p.m. while tending to my daughter - can a sister get a medal up in here?

Third, I had a very odd encounter at Starbucks today. I am used to strangers stopping to talk to and/or about Lily Ruth, but this was a bit different. A strange looking gentleman wearing a 'members only' jacket and a bluetooth earpiece stopped us as we approached the condiment bar. He was holding his coffee and a full size piece of paper. It was covered front and back with handwriting. He mentioned Lily's blue blue eyes and alert demeanor. Then he waved the paper and said that he had just this very day started his dream of many years and had begun writing his book. He rushed along explaining that he's using children as his model because they live fully in today. I tried to give him a reply that was encouraging, but not too engaging, as I was in a hurry. He was not to be dissuaded, and stood right in our way waving his paper and declaiming about kids and their innocent wonder. He was so earnest that I thought he was going to cry, but that might have just been the stars in his eyes. I quickly ran out of non-rude things to say, and he wound down soon after. I awkwardly finished stirring stuff into my coffee, and bolted for the door. As I left I thought about his passion, and I wished that I had taken another moment out of my day for someone who was feeling something so strongly. On the other hand, he might be a true loony, and if I had said one more thing, I could have gotten stuck forever. That is a lesson that I have learned the hard way: Niceness to crazies usually means you end up either late or in possession of information that you really didn't want. Of course, you almost never know who's crazy until it's tooooooo late.

Fourth, I adore macaroni and cheese. Seriously. I even love Kraft blue box (original only - no wackiness) and velveeta shells and cheese. But most of all, I love homemade mac'n'cheese. Luckily for me, Lily Ruth feels the same way. If you want to share in my obsession, come over and I'll make some for you OR, you can follow the recipe below, and enjoy it in the comfort of your own home:

1/2 stick butter (4 Tbsp)
1/4 c flour
2 c hot milk (I use the tea kettle to heat it)
1 c shredded cheese (I usually use sharp cheddar, but use your favorite)
garlic powder
salt
red pepper flakes

melt the butter over low heat. slowly add the flour while stirring. cook until 'creamy' in texture and bubbling - do not brown as you would for a roux, but cook just slightly to get rid of the flour taste. turn the heat up slightly, and slowly stir in the milk (I whisk). add in the cheese & season to taste. serve immediately over pasta or veggies

notes: I always double this,use a whole block of cheese instead of measuring, add a bag of fresh spinach and a pound of turkey sausage and pour it over a (cooked) full bag of pasta so that there are plenty of leftovers. I usually go for sharp cheddar so that there will be more flavor - colby leaves it tasting like a white sauce. As Lily Ruth grows, I plan to get crazier with my cheese choices (real smoked gouda, anyone?)

I accidentally used 1 c flour last time I made it instead of 1/2 c, and I was out of butter, so I couldn't start over. I ended up adding an additional cup (or so) of milk and a ton of extra cheese. It is good, but I have 2 extra containers of sauce in the fridge... not sure they'll freeze well :-/