wow.

So, today was just meandering along. Not great, but not terrible. Lily Ruth woke up with a fever. Well, let me back up - she got her 1 year vaccinations yesterday, and she was fussy and had a low-grade (but high for her) fever all last night and this morning. She was also so congested that she couldn't nurse until I suctioned her tiny nose. We were taking it slow, but managed to get out of the house around 11 for coffee and a quick trip to the grocery store.

Coffee was good. Lily Ruth loves our neighborhood Starbucks :-)


You can't tell from that picture, but she dribbled coffee down her top... oh, did I mention that she really likes coffee? She does, and I'm up for Mother of the Year. I gave her the first sip to 'prove' to her that she wouldn't like it. Total backfire. At least I drink half-caff... that helps, right? :-P

Since we seemed to be on a roll, I decided to go ahead and go to the store. Once there, my darling one insisted that she needed to walk. A first for her as she tends to act overwhelmed and shy when we're in any place that busy. The walking was going o.k. until we got to the rice aisle. She overbalanced while holding a large bag of rice for Mama, and sat down hard. This was apparently the last straw for her. I had no idea that we were millimeters from a meltdown, so I was taken by surprise when she used her very loudest cry and deployed her fattest tears. I scooped her up, and thought that I had calmed her down. We made it one aisle over, and she began hitting and scratching my face. I pulled back, and before I could even reach for her arms or tell her 'no', she went into full-on meltdown mode - screams, tears, red face, clawing, hitting, spitting, snot, the whole nine yards. It was stunning. A truly magnificent effort. I finally calmed her down with a sotto-voice rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and we hot-footed it to the checkout line.

Once we were home, I dropped the groceries in the kitchen, and made a beeline for the bedroom. It was obviously nap time. Before we could crawl into bed, I needed to potty. I set Lily on the floor of the bathroom and went about my business. She was ticked, and started to employ her favorite face banging technique - *whack*, 'did that hurt enough to cry? no?', *whack*, 'how about that one?'. Since the pediatrician (and others) said not to stop her from doing this - in fact, I'm to ignore her - I did just that. I let her have at it until I was ready to leave the bathroom. I scooped her up, grabbed a clean diaper and went back to the bedroom to change her and lay down.

She was ticked about the diaper change, so there was lots of squirming. This kept me from noticing the blood right away. It wasn't until she had gotten blood all over her face, hands and the duvet cover that I saw it. She had finally gotten up the nerve to bang her face hard enough to make her mouth bleed. It was gross. I knew what was happening almost immediately, but I had no idea what to do! She didn't want me to rinse or wipe or sponge or dab, and by then she was 'spitting mad', so blood was FLYING EVERYWHERE. Ya'll, I did not expect to rinse coffee and blood out of my one-year-old's clothing today.

I finally just got into the bathtub with her. Initially, that just pissed her off even more, but after some in-tub nursing, and some quality time with the drain stopper, she felt better. It was back into bed for us...


Now she's napping (on the boob) and I'm blogging. I really need to pee again (stupid coffee), but I'm not about to risk waking Sleeping Dragon to make that happen.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart, guys.

*edit - IT HAPPENED AGAIN! After her nap, I tried to dress her. She twisted away and accidentally whacked her face again!!! Holy Bloody Day, Batman! It was just as dramatic as the first time. This time I called my grandfather (the retired gum surgeon). He came over and checked her mouth. He says that she'll be fine - just sore. She tore her frenum (the piece that connects your upper lip to your gums), and her mouth is swollen. She's currently camped out on my lap with a never-ending supply of juice cubes to keep the swelling to a minimum.

*sigh* I'm knackered. I need my own staff... and a martini...

Bruise For Thought

Lily Ruth gave herself a whopper of a bruise this weekend. It's on her cheek, and it's EPIC. The thing is, due to her flair for the dramatic, I'm not sure which of her 'I've fallen and my world is ending' tumbles resulted in the mark. She took at least 3 such spills. She also took a few others that were not quite so scream-worthy, yet were no less terrifying for her mother.

It brought on a wave of motherhood anxiety (MA) combined with a trip down memory lane (ML)...

MA: Seriously!? Why did I wait until I was 36 to have a baby? I may be too old for this, and I over think everything!

ML: When my Mama was 36, she was re-emerging into a social/dating scene due to a divorce, and I was IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!

MA: SERIOUSLY!!! WHY DID I THINK YHIS WAS A GOOD IDEA??? (this was after her 2nd or 3rd tumble)

ML: Mama always knew what to do.

MA: Shit. Should I always know what to do? Crap. I need a book or an internet article or SOMETHING!

ML: Wait, maybe it's a mama job to always act like you know exactly what is going on... not that my own mother wasn't clairvoyant. I'm sure she was.

So, it went on like that for most of the afternoon, then I discovered Hyperbole and a Half, and then I didn't care if I was a bad mother anymore. I just wanted to be half as awesome as Allie. Ya'll, I wasted at least two hours this weekend (more, I suspect) reading her blog. I think that I needed the break from focusing on the mommy side of me. While I love this journey, and wouldn't trade it for anything, it can feel limiting at times. Distractions are good when you feel like that. Distractions can keep you from setting The Funk loose on your own weekend.

In completely unrelated news, we took a really great walk this morning. I pushed my pace (and the stroller :-P) all the way to Starbucks. Then we took the long way home which means we walked about 2.5 miles. I soooo wish that Lily Ruth was able to get exercise while Keely and I walk. She gets bored in the stroller. Then when we get home & I want to collapse, she's rested and ready to rumble.

Also completely unrelated, I've decided not to participate in the blog-land 'award' memes. I love them in theory, but in reality it feels like I'd be sitting around patting myself on the back for writing a journal. I am ridiculously grateful to Eileen for her beautifully complementary words, but I won't be passing it on. While I love that other people read this, I started this blog for me - as a way to push my comfort level with writing and journaling and as a way to document this time in my life. I will continue to follow, read and comment on other blogs, but when it came time to pass on the 'award', it made me feel like I was either self-promoting or judging the worthiness of other blogs. It made me uncomfortable, so I'm not going to do it. I'm sure I've over-thought this (again), but apparently, that's who I am.

Wow. That was hard to write! I'm such a people pleaser that I re-worked that last paragraph countless times. I was sure that everyone (all 10 people who read my blog... including me...) would think that I was saying that THEY shouldn't pass around blog awards or that I was insulting them in some other manner. O.k. THIS is why I used to avoid journaling of any kind - self doubt. OI! I'm doing it again! Martini, please!

Here, let's switch subjects. I 'planted' herbs and finished 'planting' the grass plugs. I use the quotes because my gardening techniques involve fancy tools like a kitchen spoon, a pizza cutter and the toe of my sneaker. The herbs seem happy


and the new grass plugs don't look any worse than their brethren who were 'planted' two weeks ago, so maybe they're not dead. I also kicked/pulled the dead bushes out of the front bed and whacked a bunch of young Hackberry saplings off at ground level. Those things are jerks. Since I just walloped 'em off with hedge clippers, they'll be back. But it made me feel better to do it. I also improperly yanked out a bunch of weeds in the back bed. They'll be back, too. Such is my lot as an impatient, untrained yard-keeper... :-)

*sigh*

Yesterday was Lily Ruth's first (1/2) day at Parent's Day Out. They said she did really well... 'for a first day'... that means she cried a lot, but not the whole time :-/ She also ate her whole snack and blew through her super-cute outfit. Go big or go home - that's my baby!

Today is a 'take a step back' kind of day. I am going to attribute this to teething until I have another solution. We woke up like we like to - slowly with grins and stretching - but it was downhill from there. Ya'll, there was LITERALLY wailing and gnashing of teeth over here! Lily was alternately screaming and grinding her teeth - it was biblical. Well, I got her calmed down, then got us all ready to walk. After we got out the door, it went like this:

- We're half a block away from the house, a door opens, and a 40 Lb Boxer puppy comes tearing out. The owner is halfheartedly yelling for it to come back. The puppy (of course) makes a bee-line for us. I yell 'I REALLY need for you to come get your dog'. The owner (who I can't see yet) replies 'Oh, it's o.k., she's fine' to which I reply 'but we're NOT - seriously, I need you to get your dog NOW'. I get a 'oh, you have a dog' in return. 'Yes, and a baby, and the dog does not do well with puppies'. She WALKS over and pretends to attempt to restrain her dog, but is really just following it at a very slow pace. Not helpful. I am forced to fend off her puppy while trying to keep my 80 Lb dog calm enough that I can control her. Eventually, the puppy heads off running, and we turn around and change our route. Not a big deal, but irritating. Keely will not randomly attack, but if she feels threatened (by, say, maybe a jumping puppy), she will protect herself. This never works out well for the other dog, yet most dog owners assume that 'dogs will be dogs', and as long as THEIR dog 'is sweet', they can let them roam the block. I, on the other hand, have my dog properly leashed, and yet I am the one dealing with a potential dog fight while WEARING MY INFANT.

- The Dog Whisperer says not to let dogs walk in front of you. Up until Lily was born, I let the Princess Dog walk however she chose. After I had a baby, I realized how important it was that Keely recognize me as alpha dog. I have been working on this with her for eight months now. Keely chose today for a power struggle. I almost gave in, but I held firm... and my arm is paying the price. My right arm feels like it may fall off, and at this point, I kind of wish that it would.

- We walked a looong way. After a good loop, we had come around so that we were only about 20 minutes from the house. I was sooooo tired. That's when I realized that I HAD DROPPED MY KEYS. I had to turn around and backtrack until I found them. Luckily, they had fallen close to the curb, and had not been run over. We were only 30 minutes from home, so let's call it 'extra exercise' and speak of it never again.

- My incredible, amazing daughter has (since we got home) alternated between 'laughing, smiling angel girl who crawls and play with toys' and 'demon baby who can only shriek and beat herself against mom's collarbone whilst smearing mom with drool, snot and tears'.



I took that one for those who have mentioned that they believe Lily Ruth to be happy and perfect all of the time...

After the last round of Mama bashing, she passed out.



Check out her hair!

I think I'm in shock. I'm definitely traumatized. Would you please come over and mix up a very dirty martini for me? Extra icy. NO vermouth. Three, no, make that FOUR giant olives. Thanks.



p.s. In looking for a dirty martini picture, I discovered a (large) burlesque performer (who I believe to be a male) who goes by the moniker Dirty Martini. Um, ew.

Frozen Day Randomness

Since we are 'stuck inside' - what with the likelihood of crazy drivers who assume that the possibility of ice = kamikaze behavior and all - and Lily Ruth's plans do not really include me so much as they include her toys and my slippers... I have to show you something, and then (in order to apologize for my shameless child photo posting) I'll tell you a story...



It's only about 4" tall, and I can't stop gazing adoringly at it... and, um, Lily Ruth thinks it's nose is a nipple... :-/ Have you ever seen anything so cute? Well, except (of course) for this:





And now, for the story! This is one of my favorite stories of my time in San Diego, and thinking about it made me smile, so YAY!

Kittyn & I were working in managerial & supervisory positions at a restaurant on Harbor Island in San Diego. To clarify, I was the opening manager 5 f-ing days each week in addition to my 2 other full-time positions for that joint... A nice enough place, but both of us were SEVERELY overworked, ridiculously under-appreciated, and under-compensated for said workload. The only thing that kept us going was our growing bond of friendship, flavored coffees, and the need for income in a very expensive town.

Bright and early one morning, I happened to mention to my new BFF that the owners of the restaurant had recently acquired several top-shelf vodkas for a new promotion. This was news to her, and seeing as how she would be working with me for the next few mornings, she would be unable to participate in the training / tasting sessions that would take place for the evening shifts. Then it occurs to us that we need to be able to describe said vodkas to the morning staff should they become interested in selling them to the lunch crowd... I may have also mentioned that we used to have pre-shift wine tastings at the Time Machine, and this was very helpful to me as a waitstaff member... I probably failed to mention that the Machine was a dinner-only restaurant, so pre-shift was 4pm...

Well, before you can say 'Bob's your uncle', we're at the bar shaking up 4 or 5 chilled shots of high-end vodka for each of us. I am unclear on who had what job, but Kittyn maintains that I was the shaker, and she was the 'lookout'. Well, regardless, whichever one of us was supposed to be watching for the restaurant owners (a.k.a. 'CatDog'), became so enthralled by these icy glasses of magic, that she FORGOT to be the lookout. And so it came to pass that the owners wander in to find their a.m. managerial staff pouring up a goodly amount of pricey, icy vodka into shot glasses at 7 in the morning. We start talking circles around our predicament, and managed to irritate them into retreating into their office to 'do paperwork' - whatever.

The vodka was consumed, but the magic was gone. We were left with the dirty feeling of a sneaky early morning drink without a Vegas soundtrack to justify it. At least we got to keep our jobs... ahhhhhhhh, good times!

You know, the CatDog was at lot better tempered than we gave it credit for... they even let us keep our jobs after the incident where we were sitting at their desks wearing their glasses & doing impressions of them... where do we get these damn ideas?