It's a BOY!

Last week was very eventful :-)

On Wednesday, I had my anatomy scan. For those not up on their pregnancy-speak, somewhere around 18 - 22 weeks of gestation, most mothers-to-be undergo an anatomy ultrasound. The technician takes a lot of skeletal measurements, checks the function and size of all of the major organ systems, and checks things like amniotic fluid level, placenta placement, umbilical cord function and cervical position. After all of that is done, they will also attempt to tell you the gender of the baby. I say attempt, because if the baby is not positioned favorably for a gender picture, or if they are feeling active and won't hold still, then you get a maybe guess or a 'come back another time'.

Our baby was feeling mellow and cooperative, so in addition to seeing a beautiful array of skeletal poetry and healthy organ function, we found out that our baby on the way is a boy.

Isn't he just precious ;-) If ultrasound photos are not your 'thing', this is a profile shot. Baby's head is on the left. The 'curlicue' on his forehead is actually the fingers of his right hand. Just above his tummy on the right side, you can see his knee and leg bones. He seemed pretty cramped in there, and I resolved to drink more water, but then I read that babies spend their time curled up like that until around 20 weeks. After that, they start to really stretch (as much as possible). I'm assuming that this has to do with skeletal and muscular development, but assuming is usually unwise... so I have some research to do... but I will also up my water intake!

I am not posting the gender shot. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Lily Ruth is thrilled. She is already referring to him as 'little brother' or 'baby brother' instead of just Baby Bean.

Don and I would have both been genuinely happy with either a boy or a girl, so instead of the gender reveal being emotionally charged either way, it was just something that was nice to know after they told us that he was healthy and developing right on schedule.

After the fun of watching the baby move in real time, Don and Lily Ruth headed out for school and work. I stayed for my post-surgical visit with the surgeon. Leading up to the appointment, I had a lot of anxiety about how slowly I felt the healing process was progressing, and how much scar tissue was massing. Even just two days before, I was really frustrated and quite worried. I STILL didn't feel like myself, and I could feel a 'ball' of swelling / scar tissue / muscle weirdness right above my poor, sore belly button. Honestly, it freaked me out.

My doctor heard me out, then palpated my navel and the surgical path. Then he adopted a fairly insulted tone and asked me exactly what I was worried about since that was obviously a beautiful incision that was healing remarkably well.

I had been in a bit of a rush that morning. I bathed, slapped some Neosporin in there and took off. At his request, I looked at it and did my own poking around. Much to my surprise, it was fine! No redness. No swelling. No lump under the skin. So I apologized, thanked him for the incredible non-scar, and promised to bring the baby in for a visit after he arrives.

You guys, I cannot tell you what an incredible feeling it was to see our beautiful, healthy baby and then be released by the surgeon with a clean bill of health. I felt like I was taking a deep breath for the first time in AGES. I felt like a boulder had been removed from my shoulders, and blinders had been taken from my eyes. I felt happy and peaceful for pretty much the first time during this pregnancy.

I finally feel like a can acknowledge this baby and work toward his healthy birth.

I even bought him something to sleep in once he gets here...


I LOVE sleep sacks!!!!!! I couldn't help myself. It's time to celebrate this baby, ya'll!

Sometimes, Life's a Total Wreck

Lily Ruth and I slept in yesterday. By slept in, I mean that it was after 10 o'clock when we woke up. We both needed the sleep. Between my insomnia and her nonstop approach to life, we were a bit overtired.

Once we decided to wake up, we smiled sleepily at each other, and she started babbling happy morning nonsense. I grabbed my phone to check the time, and saw a text from Lily Ruth's Daddy - it was over an hour old. 'Good morning!' It greeted me cheerfully.

"I'm going to call Daddy and tell him good morning."
"O.k., I'm going to go in the living room!" She slid off the bed feet first and padded off.

I can hear lots of highway noise as he answers. Not a surprise as he was driving to Houston for a deposition.

"Hi! Where are you guys?" His voice was loud and overly cheery.
"At home - why?" I answered cautiously.
"Good. I need you two to jump in the car and head for Seguin to pick me up. I just totaled the car."

I was completely confused. His tone was all Hail Fellow,Well Met but the message conveyed was terrifying. I started scrambling for clothes as questions fought for space in my mouth.

"Are you o.k.?"
"I'm fine. I just need for you to come pick me up. The officers should be done with me by the time you get here."
"Oh. Um. We'll be right there..." Not strictly true as the drive alone is over thirty minutes, and I still had to get us both ready, but he took it in the spirit it was intended. "Great!"

It took me almost twenty minutes to leave the house. I was at a total loss. What would we need? How long would we be gone? Would we have to take him to the hospital? I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find a bra, but I left Lily Ruth's hair wild and uncombed. I threw ridiculous combinations of blankets, pillows, bathing suits (swim lesson at 4 - mustn't forget!), art supplies, toys and snacks into the car in case we ended up needing to occupy our time someplace awful. By the time we left, I was milliseconds away from tears, and I desperately wanted to throw up. But I did neither - I had a child in the backseat, and if I fell apart... well, it wouldn't be fair to her, and it wouldn't do any good.

As instructed, I called him when we hit I-10. The cheerful tone continued: "Good! We're just about done here, and the officer is going to drop me off at the Home Depot a few exits away. I don't want you or Lily Ruth to see the car." That almost did it. I almost threw up again.

We found him in the parking lot surrounded by the detritus of a totaled car. Leather satchels, legal notebooks, sport coats... He was talking on the phone and pacing (as he always does). I pulled up next to him and jumped out - I just needed to touch him. Without breaking off his conversation, he hugged me with one arm and began loading his things into the car. I don't think he had any idea that he was shaking like a leaf.

Lily Ruth begins her interrogation from her carseat. "DADDY - did you have an accident in your car?" He hangs up the phone and gives her his full attention: "Yes I did, Boo. My car hit another car, but I am fine." She plugs her thumb into her mouth and twirls her hair tightly. I realized much later that to her, 'accident' means not making it to the potty in time. The news that something had happened to daddy AND his car was a surprise to her and the information was highly confusing.

He wouldn't show me pictures of the car until after we got home. He made the right choice.

We spent the rest of the day doing mainly accident-related stuff. A trip to the minor emergency clinic for a check up. Calls to the insurance company. Picking up a rental car and his prescriptions. I finally dropped Lily Ruth off with some friends around 5 o'clock. "I just need a minute to fall apart" I told them. I had kept it together the entire day because every time I even mentioned the accident, my tiny shadow would plug in that thumb and go a bit purple under the eyes.

I just hugged him for a while and sobbed. "This is probably harder for you than for me" he said. "I didn't have time to be scared, and by the time it was over, I knew that I was fine." I, on the other hand, had spent all day worrying about him. I just wanted to crawl into his body and check it out bit by bit. How could they know if he's o.k.? Shouldn't someone have come along shouting about a need for full body scans or something? Like some sort of lunatic, I just kept asking him if he was really all right or not.

I eventually pulled it together and went to collect our daughter. She spent the rest of the evening glued to us and nervously staring at our faces hoping for some kind of clue as to what was going on. We finally got her to talk to us about why she was scared, and it was mainly because she had no idea what had actually happened... and (like me) she was unconvinced that daddy was truly fine. Luckily, when you are three, mama and daddy can usually convince you that all is right in your world with fairly little effort. She fell asleep easily, and we settled in to our own bed to unwind.

As he always does, Don drifted off long before I did. I'm sure the pain pill helped. I stared at his silhouette in the dark, and listened for his breath. For once, I was thankful for the snoring.

****************

Thank you, Lord for your presence in our lives. Thank you for keeping your hand on my husband. You kept him calm and saved his life. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

YAY! Sprouts!!!

Ya'll every single thing that we planted has ALREADY SPROUTED!!! Look:

cucumbers!!!

 zucchini!

 raaaaaaaaadishes (in spades)!

beans!

The watermelons and pattypan squash are sprouting as well, but their shoots are still so tiny that they aren't ready for their close-ups yet :-P

Obviously, the radishes need to be thinned out. If we do it tonight or tomorrow, I think that they'll still be tender enough to use in a salad. I'm thinking mango, avocado & radish sprouts with a citrus Dijon dressing... mmmmmmmmmm... 

How crazy is it that we may be eating something tonight that was an almost microscopic seed last week? God is great, you guys. 

Sweep It Clean

There is a cold front (rapidly) moving in. The wind is almost fierce and the temperature is dropping, but the light is still bright and sunny.

I have the windows and doors open so that Mother Nature can curl and swirl and blow through the nooks and crannies of my home and my head. I need for her to sweep out the detritus of negative thought and fear. I ask that she bring her fresh breath of life and light and love to our darkest corners. She's doing a pretty great job of it so far.

I also ask that you guys keep my family in your hearts and prayers in the next few days. My dad is going in for a tune-up. While we know that he is in incredibly competent hands (both physical and divine), it's still hard to stay focused and calm.

Simplicity. That's what I'm praying for.

Simplicity of thought so that we can stay focused on the love that we have for our family.

Simplicity of word so that we can clearly convey our love, our support and even our needs during this time.

Simplicity of deed so that we can accomplish the things that need immediate attention and leave the rest for another time.

Simplicity of breath so that we can breathe in the blessings of this day, and breathe out the things that we cannot control.

Breathing Easier

We recently found out that Daddy's daddy has been diagnosed with Emphysema. This is not great news, but it's not terrible either. Pops has been feeling crummy for a while, and no one was able to tell him why for a long time. Having a diagnosis that he can work with and treat is a huge relief. It also explains a lot of the symptoms he has experienced for many years.

Daddy Don announced this weekend that this diagnosis was a huge wake up call for him. I actually wept with relief.

Ya'll remember how he had a tiny heart 'issue' last year, right? Well, that (plus my prodding) was enough to finally send him to the acupuncturist for a stop-smoking treatment. It worked. He was impressed... then he decided that he could have a few cigarettes here and there, and just go back in to have the treatment again later since it worked so well the first time :-/ So the number of cigarettes that he has allowed himself has slowly crept back up... and up.

So his big revelation was that he absolutely cannot do this any more. He is resolved to be One Month Smoke Free by Baby Lily's second birthday. This is huge, you guys. Up until this point, he was making all the right noises in order to make the rest of us happy. This time, he's actually scared, and I can hear the determination in his announcement. This is the first time that I believe that he really will stop smoking for himself.

We believe in him. We want him to live and THRIVE. We need him to stay around and do zoo animal impressions for us!!!

More Sharing :-)

I obviously want to share my stories, or I wouldn't 'publish' my blog, but when it comes to having people directed to my blog by blogs who have a more established (and/or 'grown up') reader list, I freak out a little.

Remember how my guest post over on My Pajama Days made me a little queasy? What I didn't tell you is that when Emily sent me an e-mail reminding me that my guest post essay was going up the following day, I almost shut down my blog. That's how freaked out I (momentarily) was. Then I realized that this was irrational. I'm not asking everyone who views my blog to agree with me or like me. I'm not in charge of them. I'm only in charge of me. I can't force even one person to giggle at my daughter's painted toes. I can only continue to blog in a way that makes me happy. If I don't want people to have an opinion about me or my life, I can stop sharing at any time. These thoughts calmed me down. I was able to just say 'thank you' for the increased traffic to my little corner of the web... until today...

A few weeks ago, my Mama asked permission to use one of my posts in a Lenten blog series on simplicity that she is co-moderating. Since I love my Mama, and I was pleased with that post, I agreed. Then she told me that they wanted to simply link to my blog instead of re-posting the story. I told her that was fine, but it freaked me out a little. This meant that not just strangers, but people who know my MOM would be directed to my blog... with all it's foolishness... and irreverence... and recent seriousness... I would have been queasy if I had remembered that this was coming up... but I forgot.

This morning I realized that the link was active and I almost freaked out, but I didn't. Progress, no?

Thank you Lord for the blessings of today. Thank you for giving me the strength to stand behind the stories that I've told. Thank you for the people who love me enough to share them. Thank you for tiny painted toes and giant stinky dogs. Thank you!

YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Lily Ruth had an appointment with her pediatric cardiologist this morning. As it turns out, it will be her last visit with the cardiologist. That's right - her last.

Lily Ruth had a Ventricular Septal Defect. Her particular VSD was very low on the septum - considered 'muscular', and very very small. Only a few drops of blood crossed through the septum during each heart beat, and those drops did not interfere with the function of her valves (a big worry with septal defects as blood crosses through small defects with quite of a bit of velocity). Furthermore, it was located in an area that is more like mesh while the heart develops, so it was not unusual for there to be an opening there. When he looked at it when she was two weeks old, her cardiologist told us that we should not worry about it. He considered it 'more of an oddity than a defect'. During her last appointment, he said that a muscle bundle was already beginning to grow across the opening, so he was hopeful that it would be closed by her 18-month visit AND IT IS! He said that she has a normal, healthy heart and she doesn't need any kind of special consideration AT ALL.

YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

What with our recent decision to simultaneously stop co-sleeping and night wean, and my darling daughter's recent kamikaze approach to life (yesterday, she whacked the bridge of her nose on the coffee table - nice bruise, Grace), it is a true blessing to have one less thing to worry about. Now I can focus on important things like what color my toenails should be, how much coffee one 37-year-old (reasonably) healthy female can ingest in a 4 hour period and writing down vital house rules such as 'All string cheese must be eaten in reasonably sized bites, not stuffed into cheeks like hamsters or squirrels' so that everyone knows what is expected of them :-P

Insomnia or Intelligence

When Lily Ruth was still very small and was already exhibiting an inability (refusal?) to sleep, my good friend Suzan sent this to me:

This is from the Texas Association for the Gifted and Talented. The politely phrased "won't *@#$* sleep" thing is about half way down.

•Walks and talks at an early age
•Has a large and advanced vocabulary
•Learns rapidly and easily
•Reads at an early age
•Demonstrates a great appetite for books and reading
•Entertains self for large blocks of time
•Has a long attention span
•Readily retains a large amount of information
•Consistently organizes, sorts, classifies and groups things, and names them
•Has a heightened curiosity (asks ‘why’ often)
•Fantasizes often
•Is self-motivated, self-sufficient, and independent
•Shows sensitivity to other people’s feelings and empathy in response to their troubles
•Demonstrates leadership abilities
•Exhibits perfectionism
•Likes to discuss abstract concepts (such as love, justice, etc.)
•Has a high energy, needing less sleep than age-mates
•Learns new material rapidly
•Loves puzzles, mazes, building blocks, and toys that challenge
•Has an advanced sense of humor
•Prefers the company of older children or adults
•Is highly creative, imaginative
•Is a keen observer
•Expresses unusual sensitivity to what they see, hear, touch, smell or feel
•Is widely informed, especially in areas of personal interest
•Expresses concern for the world’s problems

Obviously, Lily Ruth is too young to be classified as gifted or not, but it sure is fun to take some of her more 'difficult' traits and twist them into signs if 'giftedness' instead if signs of 'brattiness' :-P I've done it off and on since I received this list. I'm doing it again today... because my beautiful, amazing daughter is feeling a bit spirited this morning...

adorable, yet NOISY! Welcome to my world ;-)

Good Day, Bad Night

So, after my frantic 'Tough Morning' post, Lily Ruth did fine at Parent's Day Out in the big kid room. They even took pictures of her playing with toys and taking a nap on a mat to show me how awesome she was. Ya'll, she has never in her whole life slept on a mat with other people around. She even had a blanket wrapped around her tiny self - another first! She blows me away every day.

I picked her up, and we went to swim lessons at Miss Diana's house. It was a tough lesson because only two babies were there. This means that we worked at least twice as hard as usual since there was so much more room in the pool and we had more of Diana's attention. We were both worn out but smiling when we were done. I am so glad that she's enjoying this! We went home and played and colored and nursed and talked. Eventually, Daddy made it home and we had our evening ritual of jammies, quiet time, rocking, then bed. Whew.

Daddy and I retired not too long after that. Daddy passed out from exhaustion and Mama read her book. Baby Lily Ruth slept until 11:30 and then woke up crying loudly. She normally whimpers a bit, but this was emphatic. I went in to get her, and the instant the door opened, she said 'ca-T' and started looking into the corners of the room and babbling. It made me wonder if she has started dreaming. If so, what in the world was she dreaming about? We visited quietly while I changed her diaper, then we got in Mama and Daddy's bed to nurse. She had a really hard time falling back to sleep. There was lots of tossing and turning and two nursing sessions before she was able to settle in. Our usual routine at this point is to nurse every hour or two. This is not ideal, but it seems to be the way that we all get the most sleep. Last night was an 'every 30 minutes' night, and Mama was almost as frustrated as Lily Ruth at our inability to rest comfortably. We settled in to nurse AGAIN around 4. Since she was on my left, there was a pillow between her and the edge of the bed... do you see where this is going?...

I would swear that one second she was latched on, and the next she was gone. Daddy swears that he somehow woke up and saw the whole thing, but he concedes that he might have imagined that after the fact. What probably happened is that I was much more asleep than I thought and she unlatched, threw herself dramatically across the pillow, overbalanced and flipped off the bed. All we know for sure is that she landed face down and oddly calm. Maybe she was asleep too, and stayed limp. There was no blood and very little crying. She needed to nurse immediately, but was able to let Daddy cuddle her (he was FREAKED OUT) very soon after. We all managed to get back to sleep eventually.

This morning has been a bit tender-hearted. Lily Ruth tries to be her usual silly self, but quickly deteriorates into a crying, tantrum-y mess. I can't help but wonder how much her head/face hurts and how freaked out she might still be. We've been to Starbucks, Daddy's office and Gabby B's. None of those were truly successful outings, but none were truly awful either... I guess I should count my blessings a bit more carefully today. My baby is intact. My sanity is strained but intact. My pool is marginal but improving. Things could really be so much worse, and they are not. *sigh*

The Weekend Getaway

Wow, ya'll. I mean it. Here's how it went down:

1. My grandparents wanted to take us (Daddy Don, Baby Lily Ruth and Mama Rachel) away for the weekend. Because I have such a forceful personality, it was decided that we would go to the coast (always my first choice).

2. We had the genius idea of renting a place on line since we've had great luck in the past. Granted, the great luck involved Hawai'i and it's hard to have bad luck when Hawai'i is involved. Our rules were simple - two bathrooms, two bedrooms and at least one bedroom had to be on the ground floor since my grandparents are not fans of stairs. That was all.

3. At some point in our search, a button was inadvertently pushed leaving us looking at accommodations in Palacios, Texas rather than North Padre Island, Texas. Our mistake was not immediately discovered. When it was, we decided to step out of our comfort zone (N Padre up to Rockport) and try something new. A rental agreement was completed and money was paid (rental fee plus a sizable damage deposit). We were excited. Menus were planned. Suitcases were packed.

4. Departure day arrived. Daddy Don was in Houston for business, and would be driving down to meet us. Mama, Lily and Lily's great grandparents (a.k.a. the Great Ones) drove down together. We got off to a bit of a late start, but Lily Ruth hung in there like a trooper. She 'talked' and 'sang' most of the way down. The drive was looooooooooooong. It took us almost 4 & 1/2 hours (including a few pit stops) to get there.

Here's where the story really gets going. We stopped in 'town' to check in and get the codes for the locks. Town is a term that can only be loosely applied to this burg. It had the sad, half-shuttered look of so many small towns these days. We only gave it a glance - not being ones to judge books by their covers... Then we made the short drive to the property. Click here to see what we expected to find. It looks older, but nice in the pictures. It claims to be a full house, so that's what we were expecting. What we were confronted with was a run-down, smelly, dirty, oddly configured mess. The ground floor had a partially private queen bed, two not private double beds, two chairs and a bathroom. The interior staircase was open and very steep. The upper floor had a partially private king bed, a galley style kitchen, a not private twin bed, a dining table shoved under a window with 3 chairs and another bathroom. THAT IS ALL. No living area to sit around in. No area for dining that would accommodate all five of us. No way to avoid having my grandparents traipse up and down the stairs. It was like a summer camp bunkhouse without the planned activities. Also (as I mentioned, but it bears repeating) dirty and smelly. It was BAD.

We unpacked the car anyway. Then we decided that it was too much to bear. Grandfather decided to call 'the guy' and ask if he had another option for us. He couldn't reach 'the guy'. Since it was closing in on 5 o'clock, we figured that we had better hoof it back into town before they rolled up the sidewalks for the night. We tracked down 'the guy' at his wife's coffee shop/used book store. We announced that we couldn't stay there. He acted shocked. Grandfather asked for his money back. He stalled. Hemmed, hawed and launched into a story about how he couldn't POSSIBLY call the owner at 5:00 on a Friday. After all (he blustered), the man is in a wheelchair... and he's an attorney... and he lives in Houston... and he was the last person in Houston to catch Polio before it was eradicated... as though any of that was a reason not to call the guy.

In the meantime, his wife got on the internet and tried to find us someplace in town that would be on the ground floor. She claimed that the only options in town would be on the second floor or higher. 'The guy' was still claiming that this had never happened to him before and acting like we were delusional for thinking we could expect any money back. Grandfather told the wife that 'this is why people our age decide not to go anywhere any more - there are too many problems'. It broke my heart.

We left. We drove back to the shack to repack the car. Ideas were tossed about in a half-hearted manner. Would we stay in Palacios or drive to Rockport? Grandfather maintained that a motel was a motel. I mentioned that a motel in Rockport would NOT be located in Palacios - in my mind, that made a whole world of difference. My point was conceded. We got BACK into the car, and headed for Rockport. Lily Ruth lost what was left of her good humor and began to complain vociferously. It was a LONG fifty minute drive.

Once we hit town, we began stopping at every possible lodging establishment. No vacancy, no vacancy, no vacancy. My grandparents began to look tired and discouraged. We pushed onward. Then we saw Daddy Don! After over an hour of phone tag, texts and fractured directions, he found us! We had also arrived at a place with a vacancy. The manager gave us a key so that we could evaluate the room (a bad sign in my mind). It was BAD. As bad as Palacios. The grandparents wanted to keep it because it was available. Thank goodness for Daddy Don and his fresh set of eyes. He was not discouraged, and he insisted that we could do better. Having him there even perked up the whiney Lily Ruth! We set out again.

After a few more instances of no vacancy, we were at the literal end of the road. A newish condo development right on the water. I raced into the office before Grandfather could get out of the car. I was determined to hear the 'bad news' first this time to save them the disappointment. Did they have any availability? One unit that had become available only thirty minutes prior (cautious optimism). Would it sleep all of us? Yes - it was a 1 bedroom plus a sleeper sofa (giddy grin). Was it available for two nights? No (boo, but not terminal). Was it on the ground floor? No, third floor (noooooooooooooooooooooo!), but we have an elevator (YESSSSSSSSSSS! *fist pump*)! One last question... (*ducks as though about to be slapped*) is it in our budget? Yes. WHOO-HOOOOOOOOO! I bounded out of there like a puppy with a new toy and crowed our victory to the waiting throng.

Grandfather paid the nice lady and got our keys. We unloaded the cars for the last time of the day. We sighed deeply. Grandmother cracked open the champagne and laid out our traditional 'first night' dinner of bagels, lox, cream cheese and fresh fruit. We began to unwind... eight full hours after we left home.

It was all uphill from there. Another unit - an even nicer one - became available for our second night. We packed and unpacked the cars one more time. Grandfather and Daddy Don played golf. Grandmother and Mama Rachel took Baby Lily Ruth to the used book store that Grandmother has been taking me to since I was barely old enough to read. Lily Ruth loved the bookstore - she found two 'new' books. Then we took Lily to the beach. She did not love the beach. She hated the beach. She did not want to walk on the sand, put her toes in the water or even sit on my lap while I sat in 5 inches of warm, gently rolling water. Oh well. We'll try again next time. She can have an opinion. It can be different from mine. I just wish that she loved the ocean like I do. Perhaps some day she will.

It was good to get away. It was great to spend some time with my grandparents. It was fun to go back to the coastal town that I grew up visiting. We did some good visiting, ate some great food, and spent too much time in the car. All in all though, it was a good weekend. Not what we had envisioned, but good. We came away a little wiser about renting on line. We also came home with a new standard for bad... 'oh, that's sooooo Palacios' now means 'that's terrible' or even 'that's so bad that it's unacceptable' in our family. Definitely a case of if you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning :-)

Tender-hearted

Today is a strange day. Lily Ruth is just feeling a little bit tender-hearted today. We've all had days like this, haven't we? Every single action on the part of someone else feels like a direct attack on you. Tears abound. Wailing is the go-to mode of communication.

We woke up on time, nursed and discussed our options. Keely allowed as how she would REALLY like to take a walk. Lily & I talked it over, and she agreed to give it a try. Then things went downhill.

Lily Ruth's litany went a bit like this: I really didn't want a diaper change. Please don't put pants on me. I don't feel like nursing anymore, but when you try to end the session, I will bite you then cry when you yelp. I don't want any more fruit, but I do want to cry and throw it on the floor. I need a nap, but will instead throw myself around your bed whining, sucking my thumb and hitting at you when you try to cuddle me.

I finally gave up on the nap after an hour. We got up and started getting ready for a walk - again.

Almost immediately, Lily Ruth wanted to do some standing and/or walking instead. I stood her up and let go. She stood steadily for a few seconds, grinned, squatted down, overbalanced her giant baby head, and whacked her mouth on the hardwood floor.

I scooped her up and held her while she raged against the cruel, cruel world. I rocked her tiny, sweaty body as big fat tears poured from her red eyes. I offered her nursing as a balm for her hurt feelings.

We're back in bed.


The light is really pretty today. It's overcast and cool. Not a bad day to have the house wide open... or to be stuck under the most amazing baby ever...

Count your blessings, Ya'll. Count yourself lucky while you're at it. I am.