In Which I Update...Yet Again...

One thing that I have dicovered about being an almost 40, pregnant, gallbladder-trouble-having mother to a three-year-old is that I have very little time left to blog. *sigh* I have a lot to say, just no time or energy with which to tell you about it.

'Let me explain - no, it will take to much time - let me sum up' (Sorry, gratuitous "Princess Bride" quoting is sometimes unavoidable):

I met with a surgeon last week. He made me feel very comfortable and confident in his abilities, but (and?) he is highly doubtful that I will make it through my pregnancy without requiring surgery. The other catch / caveat is that the surgery is really only 'safe' (safe-er, safe-est... ugh.) in the second trimester of pregnancy. This means that I will more than likely undergo surgery to remove my gallbladder before the end of the year. I feel very calm about the diagnosis; which is surprising given the level of terror I was experiencing before meeting the doctor. I felt like surgery was the worst possible option, and I was committed to doing whatever I needed to in order to avoid it. After meeting with him, explaining my current daily situation and showing him the sonogram images of my gallbladder, he looked me in the eye and calmly explained that I REALLY don't want to enter my third trimester with a deteriorating condition that would then put an additional stress on my pregnancy. I suddenly felt very calm and certain about trusting him with the health of my baby and myself. He also (very reassuringly) told me that he has not once had a patient experience a miscarriage as a result of this surgery. He was clear that he was not promising a perfect outcome or attempting to downplay the possible risks, rather he was letting me know his personal experience with pregnancy and this particular procedure.

I wish that my disk drive was working properly. Since it's not, I can't put any of them here, but ya'll, the images of my gallbladder with a 3cm stone (approx. 1/3 the size of the entire gallbladder) are pretty dang cool. Well, you might not find them as awesome as I do, but I am an anatomy nerd, and I adore stuff like this.

Oh, and I'm now taking a smooth muscle relaxant to keep my gallbladder from contracting quite so forecefully. I'm supposed to / allowed to take it 3-4 times a day - with each meal and before bed. I'm only taking it twice a day, and it really has helped with the pain, but I feel seriously doped up, nauseated and sleepy most of the time :-/ I almost miss feeling clear-headed but pained. Which is the lesser of two evils?

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In order to retain my (self conferred) Awesome Mom status, I have been Pinterest-ing my heart out. Lily Ruth and I have made play dough with Jell-o and glitter:

gack / slime / goop:

dreamcatchers, necklaces for friends and dogs, and from-scratch sugar cookies with glace icing. I don't have pictures of most of it, because I am not quite as awesome as I used to be :-P but MAN are we having fun! Links to all of the things I've mentioned are on my Pinterest boards - I'm 'lilyruthsmama' if you're looking for me.

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You guys, until the addition of this new muscle relaxant a week ago, food had become my enemy. Everything I ate caused pain, and foods with even the smallest amount of fat in them caused even more pain. It was an internal battle every meal time just to prepare food for my family. Eating required a separate act of sheer will and resignation to the fact that pain would follow. The new pill really has helped. I should stop complaining about it.

Luckily for me (and my family), I have that small Pinterest addiction, and the folks that I 'follow' are forever pinning good recipes. The past few weeks have found me turning to my pins at 4:00 each day in a last-ditch effort to stir up some internal incentive. I have FINALLY made recipes off of my food board! I am pleased as punch to report that all of them have been wonderful :-)

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Lily Ruth has decided to be Peter Pan for Halloween! I am triple excited: 1) This is a costume that I can make by myself - no wacky pouffed sleeves, zippers or tulle. 2) I dressed as Peter Pan at the themed restaurant where I worked when I met Lily Ruth's Daddy, so it's an unintentional (on her part) homage to that time of my life. 3) It's a comfortable, fun costume that she can run around in for an entire night (or more) without worrying about smeared face paint or lost accessories. All of the fabric has been purchased. All of the relevant tutorials and PDF files have been perused and downloaded. My patterns have been drawn, measured and re-measured...

but I am strangely resistant to beginning the actual process... What's up with THAT?

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Ooof. I am suddenly left with the vague ennui, and I have lost interest in my own whining. Let me leave you instead with a link to one of my favorite wickedly funny bloggers - David Thorne:

27b/6 - Employee Self Evaluation Form

Enjoy, Sweets! TTFN...

The Summer of Being Three Marches On

I cleaned Lily Ruth's room the other day. It won't be too long before I stop doing that, and insist that she do it by herself... hopefully I won't have to add 'RIGHT NOW' too many times... After that, it won't be long before my uninvited presence in her room will be considered prying or snooping... aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! One Mama freak out a time, please!

For now, I love to go in and sort through her things. She tends to play with more of her toys if they're sorted in some manner, so every once in a while, I make that happen. This time, I started with her Special Drawer. The bottom drawer of her dresser is set aside for things that she especially treasures. We started it together - adding the things she was currently the most fond of - and since then, it has been up to her what is added or subtracted. I occasionally troll that drawer for missing items of my own, and am not surprised when I find them. She even has me follow her in there just before friends come over to play so that her most prized possessions can be put 'way up high' out of the fray.

Emptying out this drawer is a true and honest insight into her three-year-old brain. I found things that I expected like tiny dolphins, sticky frogs, plastic bracelets and princess cards (playing and Valentine versions); but I also found basil from our garden, rose petals from Nanny's house and what looked like either a carnation or a pomegranate flower. I found rocks, pencils, Hello Kitty lip balm, rings, the felt wallet that I made for her and random googly eyes.

I love the transparency of childhood. She has yet to develop any sneaky or hiding abilities. When she wants to keep something from me, she fumbles it behind her back and demands "Don't see this!" Things that she sees as special are put in special places, carried around proudly and shared with those that she loves. When do we learn to hoard and guard our treasures? How do I keep from teaching her that?

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"MAMA!" Her voice cuts though the quiet of the house.

"MAMA!?" Her plea is followed by crying. Not a drama-queen-crocodile-tears-moment, but scared noises.

I round the corner to find her teetering on unsteady legs. Her tiny body wavers in the middle of her floor in sleepy uncertainty. I kneel in front of her and gather her in close. "What happened, Boo?" Her eyes close and her weight melts into me. "Yes" she replies. She pats my back softly as though I am the one who woke up alone. She kisses my cheek and takes for granted the fact that she'll be snuggled up to Daddy's head the next time that her eyes open.

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Lily Ruth is sad. This is something that she decided quite deliberately once we got to her 'school day' today. We actually left at least half an hour before we normally are able to... mind you, this is still half an hour after the parent's day out program starts... and then I forgot to make her a lunch. Literally. Forgot. Didn't remember until I was far enough from the house to insure that I wasn't interested in turning around. So we went to Central Market and got her favorite things for lunch AND a new bag to hold them all. Good stuff. We were on a happy roll.

When we walked into the nursery, her friends were walking toward us to go up to story time. Lily Ruth was engulfed in a wave of happy voices and hugging bodies saying 'Lily! Lily Ruth! You're HERE! Let's GOOO!' She tucked her chin and plugged in her thumb. "We'll join you in a minute." I gave them time to get down the hall, and knelt in front of my daughter. The skin under her eyes was violet. Tears welled then spilled silently.I asked her to talk to me about why she was so sad. "Because, when you leave, I'm going be alone" she whispered. Holy cow. So she has chosen Friday morning (one day that I could spend achieving goals or napping - or BOTH if napping was my goal) to feel abandoned... in the middle of a group of people who love her without reservation.

I'm at a loss. I reassured her as best I could. I loved on her. I reminded her of the love around her. I reminded her of the fun she would have alllllll day. I talked about how important it was to CHOSE to have a good day. I even offered to pick her up early for a 'Mama/Lily Ruth Treat' before swim lessons. All to no avail. I put her in the lap of one of her favorite teachers, and turned to leave. A glance over my shoulder as I ran for the door showed her scooting down to sit alone on the floor; wrapped in a ball with more silent tears and her hair swinging forward to hide her face. That kid can work a room. *sigh*

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I thought about this 'alone' business all the way home. Why would she even say that? Then I realized that it's me - she's pulling it straight off of me. I have felt very alone recently. I have lost all but facebook contact with most of my friends who work. My few stay-at-home mom friends have had busy summers with kids out of school and visiting/visits to family. I have felt alone and cut off. I've been resentful that I can't even find the time to write. I've made way too many crafts...

'Brave' dress, anyone?

... but I haven't addressed the fact that I'm lonely. Last night, for the first time in a long time, I offered it all up. I prayed for openness and acceptance. I prayed for gratitude and hope. I prayed for the ability to let GO. I prayed for the strength to receive these gifts when they are given. Today, I feel lighter.

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Lily Ruth is an author. Writing books is her new passion. Our supply of tiny notebooks is depleted almost faster than I can replenish it, but it's worth every penny. She fills the pages with stickers, crayon, marker and pencil. She 'reads' me stories of pirates and fairies. She lines up her 'kids' in the Viking fort and weaves tales of princesses, dogs and saber-toothed tigers. Her stories vary wildly and verge in and out of nonsense. I love to sit outside the fort and listen to her incorporate every book she's been read, movie she's seen and person she's ever met. She often says things like 'and then Brad heard the commotion and came out to see.' Commotion?! Where does she learn this stuff?

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I have a reoccurring feeling that this is a summer of Firsts, but since my kid is only three, um, every day is full of Firsts. But this summer has been particularly good.

Lily Ruth's Nanny took us to Family Camp. Lily Ruth decided to love the beach!!!

She also witnessed her first Variety Show, and attended her first DANCE PARTY! During said dance party, she performed her first YMCA, Chicken Dance and Electric Slide. She also followed her cousin around until he caved in and danced with her:

Since then we've kept the ball rolling with Firsts like First Time Off the Diving Board, First Time I Chose to Wear Cowboy Boots All Day:

and First Time to Use Gymnastic Equipment (a birthday party at the Little Gym):

This week included First Swimming Race and First Swim Race Victory! That girl can SWIM! It's too cute. I'll have to hold myself still long enough to take a picture for you :-)

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p.s. I made Lily Ruth's Merida dress using an e-pattern (the A-Line Dress) purchased from Lil Blue Boo. It is a darling dress pattern and easy as pie. I modified it only slightly for my purposes, but fully intend to make it as directed soon. You should buy it and make some for yourself!

My Little Viking

Ya'll know how Lily Ruth is obsessed with 'How to Train Your Dragon', right? Well she is, and has been since last summer when she saw the movie for the first time.

Also; somehow last fall, she found out about having a themed birthday party. I have no idea how that happened, but it did, and she immediately began lobbying for a Viking Birthday. I said 'sure', and assumed that she would either forget or change her mind ninety times before her birthday. I was wrong on both counts. The lobbying continued unabated until two weeks ago when I actually began to put together guest and task lists for said event. As I sat at the computer typing e-dresses into evite, she announced that she had 'changed it to princesses'. I told her it was too late, and hit 'send'. Then I got to work...

You've gotta see this stuff! So, this is Astrid (Lily Ruth's favorite Viking):

And this is the beginnings of Lily Ruth's Astrid costume:

- by the by, it is hilariously funny to stand on the kitchen table and have your picture taken :-P and it is very important to spend some time checking yourself out in the mirror...

The T-shirt is one that we had on hand. I used Pentel Fabric Fun pastel dye sticks to draw lines on it and make it look more like Astrid's sweater:

The skirt is made from crafting felt that has a reptile skin-esqe finish. I cut it into 2" x 7" strips (7" being the measurement from LR's waist to just above her knees), and made a 19" long, 2" wide strip that I folded in half (lengthwise)and sewed over the layered strips (a.k.a. a waistband). Add ties on the ends & et voila, skirt:

It is tooooooo hot here to even pretend to wear boots and/or arm warmers right now, but the leg warmers from our immense stash do add a cute touch of boot-ish fun. But ya'll, this is the best part - I convinced her to put on her bear feet slippers and 'hi-YA' for me. In the interest of honesty, she was already going to 'hi-YA', I just got her to do it on camera...

LOVE it!!!!!!

The costume is still in progress. I made a finger-woven headband from old T-shirt strips. I added silver embellishments to the skirt, and I'm finishing up the shoulder decorations (Um, I made tiny faux bird skulls from Sculpey clay...), 

but I'm sure i can have it done by tomorrow...............

**EDIT: I've noticed a lot of hits for this post as we near Halloween. If anyone wants better (or actual) instructions for any potion of this costume, you can e-mail me at aintelmosworld(at)yahoo(dot)com, or comment here and I'll gladly supply more of a tutorial for you :-)**

But wait - there's MORE! We made a fort out of giant boxes! Grandpa brought us three boxes like we used for her very first hideout. We put them to good use:

The colors on the top are tissue paper glued over cutouts. It looks WAY cool from the inside!:

Our friends Lola & Jett helped us decorate it (inside & out) with giant markers, then the kiddos pretended to take a nap in the fort: 

In an over-stimulated frenzy, bickering and crying ensued. Our friends went home to nap for real, and Lily Ruth settled in to 'read'.

I can't WAIT until tomorrow! This is gonna be GREAT! What time are you coming over? ;-)