Cooking for Two... or Three... or Forty...

This afternoon, I was throwing together another batch of the lasagne recipe that I made up recently, and it struck me - next week, I will have been married for FOURTEEN YEARS, and I have never figured out how to cook for just two people! When I started that recipe, I was genuinely trying to make a small pan of lasagne for 2 people and a tiny baby. I ended up with a 11 X 7 pan that fed 6 adults & 1 baby and I still had leftovers for 3 lunches. Sadly, that was one of my better efforts at cutting back. I would have normally ended up with a 9 X 13 pan PLUS either an 11 X 7 pan or a loaf pan. Oh dear.

Obviously, this is not a new issue. It goes back (waaaay back) to my childhood. My mama is an excellent cook (as is my grandmother). She can take what a lot of people would see as an empty fridge/pantry, and make a tasty meal. By the time I was old enough to really help in the kitchen, there were five people in our family, and two of them were young boys who were growing like weeds. So while I was learning how to cook, everything that my mama and I made was whipped up in fairly large quantities. When I moved out on my own, I seemed to have cooking for one down to a science, but it was because I was so limited on funds and that it sort-of happened on it's own. When Don & I married, and I started to really cook, our portion sizes spiraled out of control very quickly. By choosing to stay home most nights - eating in instead of out - we each put on (at least) 20 pounds in the first year or so of our union. Our fridge was constantly full of leftovers... a trend that has not abated over the years...

*le sigh* It's just that I love to eat, and I love to cook. It pleases me enormously to see large quantities of fresh, beautiful foods become meals for the people I love under my hands.

I think that maybe I need to learn other ways to express my deep and abiding love for my family. The absolute LAST behavior that I would want to model for my daughter is a poor body image/low self esteem. So this is it. Time to put up or shut up. Time to either lose weight and stay there, or become completely comfortable where I am so that Lily Ruth never sees me panic when I put on clothes. Oi, the responsibility!

You know, I started this post with a very different twist to this theme in mind. I can't even fit it in now. It just won't go... I'm just so very tired. I even made myself sick - anyone want to join me for one of my semi-bi-annual sinus infections? I feel a bit overwhelmed. When I feel like this, it's easy to lose sight of what's important. Like the fact that my husband is NOT abandoning me so he can go party like a rock star out of town every week. He is, in fact, working his ass off so that I can stay home to raise our daughter. Or the fact that I am incredibly lucky to have this time in my life, with this family, in this house, in this body. Or even the fact that Lily Ruth will not always want to sleep with me. It feels like an imposition on my time, good will and sleep to have her want so desperately to be near me, but there will come a day when she will want nothing more than to sleep alone in her own space and I will idealize this time in my memories.

It's time again to step back, center, breathe and give thanks. Even if the best take on this that I can manage tonight is 30 minutes to myself with a small glass of wine and a 'hug' from my dog. It'll be enough... and tomorrow I will manage more.

well...

Last night was truly torturous, but today has just been a regular good day. Since I'm trying to ack. cent. u. ate. the positive, what I have is a blurb followed by some fun pictures and even a video!

Lily Ruth's Daddy was out of town for two nights in a row. For a Mama who hasn't slept more than 2 hours consecutively in several weeks, that was just awful. The first night was bad enough - trying to keep an exhausted baby quiet because her grandparents were trying to sleep in the next room was no fun at all - but last night was a true test of my tenuous patience. Lily Ruth was exhausted when we left my parent's house at 8 pm. By 11:00, she was still awake, fighting sleep like a champ, flopping around on the bed and acting like there was no way on God's green earth that she could get comfortable. There was rocking, flopping, flipping, flapping, flailing and pitiful crying. Then she gave up, sat straight up, and began vocalizing as though she and I were in the middle of a lighthearted lunch conversation. I gave her a 'lay down, Boo' so she threw herself down and screamed. It was downhill from there. We finally got to sleep around midnight.

Now for the good part :-)

We woke up, ate nutrigrain waffles then took a nice walk. When we got home, we played with toys for a little while. I decided that I wanted to go out for lunch, so I took a quick bath (Lily spent the whole time trying to get into the tub with me and grabbing for my arms/face/hair as they came near the edge of the tub). Then I started to get ready. Just as I was almost presentable, Lily Ruth tanked and fell asleep. For the first time in a long while, I was able to lay her on my bed (surrounded by a pillow fort), and leave the room. I scrounged enough food from the fridge for lunch, then hung out ALONE until she woke up. Good stuff. Once she woke up, we went for frozen yogurt then cruised Central Market for yummy dinner ideas and ingredients. Not really an interesting day, but a good one.

Here are some of the really fun things that my adorable offspring has been doing recently :-)

Using her high chair as a 'walker'


Wearing her bubbles as a necklace almost constantly - she can even put them on all by herself! Here she is STANDING, wearing her bubbles necklace and playing with her fridge magnet toys! Little Superstar!


She wore one of her new swimsuits to a birthday party


and got her first large dose of artificial coloring. She was OBSESSED with the blue frosting off the cake. She licked the plate!


all of the kids ended up looking like cyanotic crack-heads - little blue fingertips and lips and running around all hopped up on sugar. It was a hoot.

She learned how to say 'no' this weekend, but she's not great with context yet - thank goodness! She has also been saying/singing 'dgwah, dgwah, dgwah' almost non-stop for several days. Apparently, it's an all-purpose phrase. It's hilarious.

So, to sum up: I'm still a zombie, but some of my good humor has returned (along with my husband). I can do this... right?

Today's Random Tidbits - 4

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, Family! That's not sarcasm, Folks. I genuinely love to spend time with the people that I'm related to.

My aunt, uncle & cousins watched a tired and pissed off Lily Ruth for us while we went to the Cowboy Mouth show on Wednesday night. Not exactly 'together time', but it definitely deserves a shout-out.

We had a wonderful dinner last night with my parents. I made a Chicken, Rosemary, Mushroom, Veggie & Pasta Soup with cheese quesadillas on multi-grain tortillas and peach & blackberry fruit salad. If I get enough sleep tonight, I'll add the soup recipe... don't hold your breath...

My grandmother, aunt, daughter & I went to the Farmer's Market this morning. I bought squash, onions, pinto beans, culinary lavender and yukon gold potatoes. I also managed to send my grandmother into a mild (yet good-natured) tizy by allowing Lily Ruth to chew on a squash while we walked around. As Grandmother Ruth tells it, when her kids dropped something, it had to be BOILED before you gave it back to them (per Dr. Spock). Side note - she also LOATHES it when the dogs kiss the baby :-)

And last but not least, my in-laws arrived this afternoon! My mother-in-law and I bought Lily Ruth 2 new bathing suits - one for cute and one with the SPF 50 3/4 sleeve top. Then she jumped on board the tiny-fridge-magnet-toy train with me and we went CRAZY! SInce the 3 I already made were DUDS (the magnets were too weak to stick to the fridge), I sent them to live with the tiny cat (he's been playing with/ruining them anyway)... correction - I sent two of them with the kitten. The other one is MIA. So far, we've made a (new) fish, a star, a pear, an eggplant and a crook-neck squash. Side note - here's a sign that you're slightly OCD: you creep out of bed at oh, 11:00 at night to finish blanket-stitching a felt squash because you couldn't leave it undone and still fall asleep...



p.s. The tiny cat found a new home! It was harder than I thought it would be to hand him over. I kept telling them stupid stuff about how to take care of him even though they have their own cats already. Even though internet courtesy dictates that I delete their e-dress and never contact them again, I plan to e-mail them later and ask how he's doing.


p.p.s. My daughter is awesome.

Dear So & So... take 10

I haven't participated in Dear So & So Friday lately, and I miss it! So here we go... oh, if you want to play too, pop over to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow, grab the button, write yourself some letters, and then link up!

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

Dear Rain,

WOW! Um, you filled the pool to overflowing in just a few short hours of deluge. I'm so glad that you're here, but you brought too many friends. Please ask those jerks Surface Street Flooding and Super Slick Streets to please leave. They were not invited. You may stay as long as you behave yourself.

Yours,
Miss Wet Head

☁☂☁☂☁☂☁☂☁☂☁☂☁☂

Dear Keely Monkey Dog,

I'm so sorry, Honey. I know that you hate the rain. Would you like a treat?

I love you,
Mama Dog


❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖

Dear Tiny Cat,

I really really really really really need to find a home for you. You have kept me awake for most of every night that you have been here by either chewing/scratching me or attempting to chew/claw on my baby daughter and waking her up in the process. I'm not sorry that I took you in, but I am sorry that you are still here. YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. It's a good thing that you're so cute. Fingers crossed that the lady I've been e-mailing comes to get you tomorrow!

I'm watching you,
Lady Who is Holding You by the Back of the Neck


☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

Dear Baby Daughter,

Oh my GOODNESS! You are getting so BIG! Great work on the whole standing thing. The fact that you now mimic the animals and sing 'ee-EYE-oh' when I sing 'Old MacDonald' seriously cracks me up. You are amazing and I love you so much that it hurts.

Your Biggest Fan,
Lily Ruth's Mama


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Dear Self,

Get some damn sleep! This is ridiculous. Deep cleansing breaths. Let it all GO. Rest. Be good to yourself.

Love you!
me

Are you WITH me?

Last night was AWESOME. Don & I got to do one of our favorite shared pastimes. No, not that you pervert... although we would have if we'd had any time to spare... We went to a Cowboy Mouth show! Cowboy Mouth are a fantastic rock band out of New Orleans. The show is always energy-filled, loud and FUN.


The drummer (Fred) is the lead singer, so the drum kit is front and center. He's a powerhouse of big, positive energy, and he never stops moving, so he's a blur in my crappy cell phone picture. The entire show is 'full audience participation required'. Everyone is exhorted to be on their feet, hollering, clapping, jumping and singing for the duration of the set. Occasionally, Fred will halt a song until the noise level meets his standard. You just feel GOOD during a Cowboy Mouth show. He often asks 'ISN'T IT GREAT TO BE ALIVE!!!?'

Oh, I'm still riding along on the wave of feel-good fun from last night! Also, as I write this, I'm looking for a video to post with it, and Lily Ruth is dancing and clapping on the bed next to me - too cute!


Now, fingers crossed that the lady I've been e-mailing all day really wants the tiny cat! If so, he may be in his new home by tonight!!!

I found a video on youtube. It's not my favorite song of all time. That honor goes to 'Love of My Life', but there is no official video for that one... they spend too much time touring to make videos ;-), but I like it!

Regular Days

I feel like I blog a lot about Lily Ruth's (and therefore my) lack of sleep and the days that are so hard. Maybe that's because the tough days lead to a pent-up feeling and a need to vent whereas the regular and even the good days are simply lived and enjoyed. Whatever the reason, I'm vowing to re-hash more of the good along with the bad. Of course, this will have to wait until I find a new home for tiny kitty and get some damn sleep. I am a zombie. A zombie who loves you.


A zombie who would prefer it if her loving husband never took another picture of her from that angle ever again.

Tiny Kitty Update *edited*

Ya'll, there is still a tiny kitten in my house! I felt certain that his family would be searching high and low for him. I just KNEW that he'd be reunited (and it feels so GOOD) with them by now. Well, they're not, and he isn't. He's asleep on my pillow.

Last night, he woke me up twice to give him a snack and a sip of water. Today, he peed on my leg as I sat on my bed. Tonight, he played 'blanket monster' with Lily Ruth's roving toes as she attempted to nurse herself back to sleep, *EDIT* played 'lion on the savannah' with her HAIR while she slept, and WOKE HER UP TWICE (4 am - up for 2 hours & 8:15 am - up for the day.... no nap yet and it's 2 pm...)!!!! Mama is NOT happy. He is SOOOOOOOOO outta here!

I contacted my two friends who take in every kitten they see. They're each way over their kitten quota. One didn't even giggle when I suggested that there might be a kitten smuggling operation being run out of my folding massage table (without my knowledge), and not to be surprised if her was 'one up' after my next visit to his house. He suggested that I NOT leave an extra cat, but he did schedule a massage.

COME ON Craig's List - pull through for me!

Just to reiterate - I DO NOT HAVE A NEW CAT. I have a foster kitten who will either be reunited with his original family or placed with a new, very loving family (other than us) in the very near future... but check this out :-)


ah. door. ah. ble

dulce sueños

One of Those Days

It was just one of those days. You know. The kind of day that makes you feel like you are doing everything wrong. You know intellectually that you cannot be doing EVERYTHING wrong, but it still feels that way.

Since Lily Ruth had been sick, our routine (HA!) was slightly disrupted. I was sure that she felt better, so we were attempting to go about our normal day. That was fine until nap time. At that point, she gave in to her exhaustion, and began yelling at me... and she didn't stop for 2 1/2 hours. She just threw her head back and howled. I patted, soothed, shushed, bounced, jiggled, sang, nursed, rocked and begged. Some of it worked for a minute or two, some just made it worse. In the end, I set her in her crib, and walked away. I switched out the laundry, and put bottles in the sink to soak. Then I went back in to her room, picked her up and took her in to my bed. Her tiny face was red and wet. Her long eyelashes were damp, inky points. Her breath came in gulps and sobs. We laid down, nursed AGAIN, and she finally passed out. She continued to sob in her sleep for 30 minutes or so, then she settled into a deep and dreamy sleep.

Because her naps are so unpredictable, I usually can't relax enough to nap with her and/or I finally start to unwind and close my eyes 5 or 10 minutes before she wakes up. Since that's so much fun, I just stuck with it.

When she woke up, she was in a pretty good mood. At first. Then she got a look at her toys, and her mood went downhill - I think she's bored with her selection. In my infinite Mama wisdom, I gave up on staying home. We jumped up, threw on dresses, and ran out the door. We went to get frozen yogurt. Then we went to Central Market. That was one errand too many. I just couldn't catch a break.

Back at the house, negotiations began anew. We tried books, toys, bubbles, Sprout, nursing (AGAIN!!!), and 'walking' endlessly up and down the front room. None were exactly what she wanted. In desperation, I took her out to the front yard. I decided that she could eat grass until she felt better... it works for the dog... we had just barely planted our butts on the lawn when Lily's favorite thing happened - DADDY CAME HOME! I felt certain that my luck had changed, and the rest of my day would be cake.

I was right up to a point. She was thrilled that we were all together, and had silly, noisy fun until bedtime. Then she lost it again. Wailing, flailing, hitting, biting... oh my GOODNESS! She finally passed out around 1 a.m. No lie. My nerves are shot. My patience is drained, and my eyes are soooo very heavy.

The upside? The only way out is forward. Square your shoulders, take a deep breath and keeeeeeep on movin'. This too shall pass... right?

My Very First Mother's Day by Rachel

Today's Recipe: Electric Flapjacks

Today just keeps bringing me around the amazing women in my life.

I woke up to my amazing Lily Ruth's smile.


We took a walk. I found a kitten. Not a metaphor - a real, tiny, freaked out kitten... who looks almost EXACTLY like Bing did at that size. If, when I return to that location later today without my dog and my infant, said kitten is still there, I will take him/her in until a home can be found that is NOT OURS :-) My Mama's best friend (since they were 3 & 4) has rescued animals my whole life.

**EDIT - Ya'll already knew I was going to end up bringing that kitten home, right?...


He's too cute for words - I just know that somebody is missing him terribly. I will find them! Craig's List and Kinko's, here I come...

I made Electric Flapjacks for brunch. This is a great recipe from my childhood. Here it is in it's original format:


I could also hear my Mama and my Grandmother in my head while I cooked - 'the pan is ready when water droplets dance on it's surface' and 'pancakes are ready to flip when tiny bubbles pop through the top'.

I used the hand mixer passed on to me by my friend Crystal when she got an awesome stand mixer so she could make Monster Cookies in a more efficient manner.

I made tiny, baby-sized pancakes and even an 'L' for Lily just like my Mama used to for us.


I listened to the Spice Girls and 'shook it' in honor of my Kittyn.

I made tiny fridge magnet toys using Samster Mommy's idea


It's been pretty great :-)

Did I mention how awesome my husband is?


Well, he is. He and Lily Ruth bought me tiny speakers and a 'desk' for my laptop. He claims to be feeding my internet addiction. Enabler.

I AM LOVING MY LIFE, YA'LL! Feeling pretty thankful.

Oh, Poop.

The day has arrived. Lily Ruth has contracted her first virus - Hand, Foot and Mouth. As first viruses go, it really could be a lot worse. She feels vaguely crummy, is covered in a rash that doesn't bother her, and has a low-grade fever. An itchy rash and awful mouth sores are possible before this is over, but she may make it through with no other symptoms.

For now, we're holed up at home sleeping in,


nursing a lot, and sucking on ice cubes in the mesh feeder. Ice water in the sippy cup has also been in high demand. When Daddy gets home, we'll procure frozen yogurt and more fresh tangerine & orange juice to freeze into cubes.

Poor Baby Girl.

In happier news, Lily has been practicing free standing!


She's also obsessed with bubbles. So much so that she actually said 'ba-boo' at LEAST 6 times at the pediatrician's office. I dove into the diaper bag for my phone, and fumbled with the camcorder setting like I had flippers instead of thumbs. By the time I figured it out, she was done talking about bubbles, and had moved on to waving and making 'giggle stick' noises. I'll be ready next time...