Mmmmmm, More Food!

Today's Recipes: Green Enchiladas, Fruit Salad

Ya'll, I made Green Enchiladas, and DAMN they were good! Here you go - you're welcome :-P

Rachel's Green Enchiladas

3 boneless skinless chicken breasts
EVOO
Chili Powder
Cumin
Salt & Pepper
4 garlic cloves - minced
1/2 pkg of sliced mushrooms - broken into even smaller pieces
1/2 pkg of baby spinach - sliced
Cotija cheese - crumbled (a salty, crumbly Mexican cheese)
Monterey Jack cheese - grated
10 whole wheat tortillas
1 can mild & 1 can medium Hatch Green Enchilada Sauce
Plain Greek Yogurt

preheat the oven to 350°. sautee the chicken breasts in a small amount of EVOO - while cooking, season with chili powder cumin and s&p to your taste (I used quite a bit). take the chicken out of the pan & set aside. using the same pan, sautee the mushrooms and garlic. when they are mostly done, turn the heat off, lay the spinach on top and cover until the spinach wilts. chop the chicken into small bits. in a bowl, combine the chicken and the mushroom, garlic and spinach mixture.


spray a glass baking dish with non-stick spray. now, since I used whole wheat tortillas, and they are harder to roll than corn, I laid the ingredients into the tortillas, and set them into the dish as though they were tacos (unrolled).


Then I rolled them one by one without removing them from the dish so that they held each other in place. SO, a little Cotija and a little chicken/mushroom/garlic/spinach mixture into each tortilla. roll 'em up using whatever method works best for you. place them 'open-side down' in the glass baking dish. cover liberally with sauce - that's why I used 2 cans. bake for 40 minutes. uncover, sprinkle with MJ cheese and dot the surface with plain yogurt. bake uncovered for an additional 10-15 minutes.


SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good! here are a few options for substitutions:

- whole wheat tortillas - you could use any flavor: corn, flour, flavored...
- Cotija - you could use ANY cheese. I chose Cotija because I had some in the fridge from my Fiesta weekend impromptu gathering. I also have access to multiple Mexican cheeses. If you do not, don't fret, just pick your favorite cheese and go for it :-)
- Hatch enchilada sauce - this is another product I am just lucky to have access to. there are lots of other pre-made green sauces out there, and it sounds ridiculously easy to make a yummy tomatillo sauce from scratch if you have access to those babies.
- Greek yogurt - you could use sour cream or Mexican Crema. I happen to have yogurt in the fridge as Lily Ruth will eat pretty much anything mixed with Greek yogurt, and I have noticed in the past that it subbed in well for sour cream... or even mayo...

I also made another yummy fruit salad (I ADORE warm weather fruits!):

Blackberries
Blueberries
Mandarin Orange slices
Mango
Black Grapes
Chili Powder
Cinnamon

Great. Now I'm hungry again. Time to plan out a few meals and head to the store!
xoxo, r

Professional Me

I filled out a form for my Massage School today. It's a professional interview questionnaire that they are asking graduates to complete for their Massage Blog. I enjoyed completing it, and decided to share parts of it here. The questions I'm leaving off were boring :-P

Why were you interested in Massage Therapy?

I had been searching for my professional 'path' for what felt like FOREVER. I had gone to college, changed majors 4 times, dropped out to 'figure out what I wanted' and had never made the time to go back. I was good at my job, but hated it... then my body began to hurt. Doctor after doctor (all out of my own pocket) were unable to diagnose my pain. On the advice of a family friend, I finally saw a massage therapist. He helped to alleviate my pain almost immediately, and saw a structural imbalance that was easily turned around. That got me thinking...

What was the impact of Massage School on your life?

Massage school gave me a skill set that I will carry for the rest of my life regardless of how long I earn my living as a massage therapist. Becoming a therapist has given me a different way to approach my world. I feel that I am more thoughtful and more patient, and I would like to think that I am more connected to who I really am and what I have to offer.

What was your favorite Massage School class?

I really loved massage school in general. That being said, I loved anatomy. I am a serious science dork at heart. Having the knowledge of 'what goes where' in my head really guides my hands. I tend to close my eyes and really visualize my intent as I work. I also truly love Shiatsu. Not only do I dearly love to puuuull on limbs, learning but Shiatsu really solidified then enhanced what I knew about the body. It also took away the fear I had about making true, solid contact with a client's body.

Tell us about your fondest memory.

Blindfold Massage Day. I had sprained my thumb, and was unable to participate, so I was a 'draping monitor'. There were moments of true massage beauty interspersed with moments of absolute hilarity - yet I was unable to make a sound. It was the first time I was able to watch my classmates truly surrender themselves in a session. Amazing.

- so there you have it in a nutshell - Rachel's Journey From Desk Jockey to Bodyworker. Maybe Massage School is in YOUR future...


... that's an actual image from one of our classes. Granted, we were goofing around, but it still happened in massage school!

Happy Thursday!

Outside With My Girls

Today was too pretty not to play outside. Especially since it will soon be too hot to play outside in the afternoons!

We started out wandering over to the springs at the Diocesan Center. We soon found that we had too much stuff. We did not need things like shoes... or pants... or a leash...


Lily Ruth LOVED getting her fingers and toes wet!


Then we moved down to the larger pools. The springs are so high that the ground by the bridge is boggy - always a good sign!


Then we moseyed over to some shade over soft grass. This led to eating grass...


and rolling on grass then smiling a lot.


Not a bad way to spend an afternoon - damp and pants-less while eating nature. We should all be so lucky :-P

Mama Moments

Mama Moment #1: The scene - Mama/Baby bath time.
The dilemma - You've already stripped down when you realize that you forgot a bunch of stuff. You must run all over the house hurriedly looking for towels, baby bath toys, etc. that you didn't corral ahead of time. Little one has been left standing outside the tub contemplating the incoming water and her growing toy options.
The Outcome - Things are going nudely along - everything sought has been found - and you are on your way back into the bathroom when your darling daughter crawls around the corner with a giant self-satisfied grin on her face, and your underwear in her hand. Makes you feel like Mother of the Year.

Mama Moment #2: The scene - Getting ready to leave the house.
The conundrum - Babies must be occupied at all times.
The dilemma - Up until now, Lily Ruth has been more than content to sit in the sink and play with anything she can reach. Her preference has been for my Bed Head styling stick and her container of teensy-weensy hair clips. Recently, she figured out how to turn on the taps. Now, it's a constant power struggle to keep the 'hot' tap turned off or at least down. I also have to wait to clothe her until I'm done because she ends up soaked. Also, she is no longer happy with sitting. She MUST stand. Here's the visual:



The Outcome - ??? Obviously, this can't go on for much longer. What am I going to do? I guess I could just stop applying deodorant and moisturizer, fixing my hair, brushing my teeth or faffing about with makeup. That would solve it. Maybe if I buy her her own makeup, she'll sit still and apply it... to the sink, the mirror, the taps, her body...

Food as Love

Today's Recipes: Summery Salmon, Cool Asparagus, Fruit Salad

Have I mentioned that I love to cook? Have I mentioned that I cook as a way to express my love for those around me? Well, I do.

This is something that came down to me through the blood. In my family, we show love not through gifts that we purchase (although we do some of that as well), but by getting together, being together, laughing together and sharing a meal. It's what we do :-)

I was able to show some love this week - it was my Grandfather's birthday! Those folks have been on a 'flat belly' diet, and have had a LOT of chicken lately, so the birthday boy requested salmon. Done and done. Then I just had to respect the fact that they are trying to watch their fat/caloric intake while planning the rest of the meal - easy-peasy. We ended up with a beautiful summer meal - my first of the year. Here's what we had:

Summery Salmon

2 Lbs salmon
1 large orange
1 large lime
5 garlic cloves - minced
1/4 c cilantro leaves - chopped
kosher salt

lay the salmon (skin side down) in a glass baking dish. Squeeze the orange and the lime over the fish. Sprinkle the garlic and cilantro over the fish. Sprinkle (sparingly) with salt. Cover, and marinate 2-3 hours. You can either grill or bake the salmon. I baked, so... pre-heat the oven to 400° F. Drain extra juice from the baking dish - leave the cilantro and garlic in place. I didn't spray the dish with non-stick spray, and it wasn't awful, but I wish that I had, so you could go either way. Bake for 20 minutes. Check the thickest part of the fish - opaque=done. If it's not done, chuck it back in.


Cool Asparagus

2 bunches fresh asparagus
olive oil
Cavender's Greek Seasoning

snap off the bottoms of the asparagus stalks. Discard the bottoms & rinse the stalks. Place in a large skillet with a small amount of olive oil. Cover & steam over medium heat - adding small amounts of water as needed to steam (not sautee) the asparagus. When the stalks turn bright green, you can start checking for done-ness. When done, rinse with cool water to stop the cooking process, transfer to a serving dish and sprinkle with seasoning or toss with a small amount of salad dressing. cover and set aside (or chill) until dinner.


Fruit Salad

Watermelon
Mango
Pineapple
Grapes
Avocado
mix in lime juice, chili powder and cinnamon for an extra kick. TRUST ME - it's awesome

mix all of the fruit together - add avocado immediately before serving. If you end up storing leftovers, remove all avocado first! Don't wuss out and leave the avocado out. Go for it. You could (of course) use any fresh fruit, it's the avocado, lime, cinnamon and chili powder that make this truly stellar.

Brown Rice
Sliced Tomato

it was a little taste of heaven. Also, a great gathering for a fantastic reason.

I also caught the Fiesta 'bug'. Since Lily Ruth is too little for most Fiesta events, we only made it to the King William Parade. I still had this almost physical itch for a celebration, so I decided to have people over at the very last minute. I was just going to invite our neighbors, but ended up with 2 couples. It was pretty great. The weather was awesome. The house was wide open. Music played in the background. Babies laughed as they chased the dog. And of course, there was food. I made:

- Diane's Pork Tenderloin using Anchor Steam Porter and 10 or so garlic cloves served as tacos on fresh tortillas
- Fruit Salad using the rest of the uncut fruit from Grandfather's birthday dinner
- my 'Mexican Rice'
- sliced Avocado
- crumbled Cotija cheese
- sauteed mushrooms, onions and Anaheim peppers
- roasted corn

Today, we had Kyla and her wonderful sons over for brunch. Don made French Toast, and we had scrambled eggs and bacon with it. Then we lounged around watching the kiddos do various adorable things.


I feel like I am surrounded by tiny moments of pure joy.


Maybe they were always there, maybe not. Maybe the only difference is that I have to be very alert all of the time, so I'm noticing them more. Maybe I'm just more open to joy these days.

What a great weekend. Now, if only it were warm enough to swim!

Tender-hearted

Today is a strange day. Lily Ruth is just feeling a little bit tender-hearted today. We've all had days like this, haven't we? Every single action on the part of someone else feels like a direct attack on you. Tears abound. Wailing is the go-to mode of communication.

We woke up on time, nursed and discussed our options. Keely allowed as how she would REALLY like to take a walk. Lily & I talked it over, and she agreed to give it a try. Then things went downhill.

Lily Ruth's litany went a bit like this: I really didn't want a diaper change. Please don't put pants on me. I don't feel like nursing anymore, but when you try to end the session, I will bite you then cry when you yelp. I don't want any more fruit, but I do want to cry and throw it on the floor. I need a nap, but will instead throw myself around your bed whining, sucking my thumb and hitting at you when you try to cuddle me.

I finally gave up on the nap after an hour. We got up and started getting ready for a walk - again.

Almost immediately, Lily Ruth wanted to do some standing and/or walking instead. I stood her up and let go. She stood steadily for a few seconds, grinned, squatted down, overbalanced her giant baby head, and whacked her mouth on the hardwood floor.

I scooped her up and held her while she raged against the cruel, cruel world. I rocked her tiny, sweaty body as big fat tears poured from her red eyes. I offered her nursing as a balm for her hurt feelings.

We're back in bed.


The light is really pretty today. It's overcast and cool. Not a bad day to have the house wide open... or to be stuck under the most amazing baby ever...

Count your blessings, Ya'll. Count yourself lucky while you're at it. I am.

Bruise For Thought

Lily Ruth gave herself a whopper of a bruise this weekend. It's on her cheek, and it's EPIC. The thing is, due to her flair for the dramatic, I'm not sure which of her 'I've fallen and my world is ending' tumbles resulted in the mark. She took at least 3 such spills. She also took a few others that were not quite so scream-worthy, yet were no less terrifying for her mother.

It brought on a wave of motherhood anxiety (MA) combined with a trip down memory lane (ML)...

MA: Seriously!? Why did I wait until I was 36 to have a baby? I may be too old for this, and I over think everything!

ML: When my Mama was 36, she was re-emerging into a social/dating scene due to a divorce, and I was IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!

MA: SERIOUSLY!!! WHY DID I THINK YHIS WAS A GOOD IDEA??? (this was after her 2nd or 3rd tumble)

ML: Mama always knew what to do.

MA: Shit. Should I always know what to do? Crap. I need a book or an internet article or SOMETHING!

ML: Wait, maybe it's a mama job to always act like you know exactly what is going on... not that my own mother wasn't clairvoyant. I'm sure she was.

So, it went on like that for most of the afternoon, then I discovered Hyperbole and a Half, and then I didn't care if I was a bad mother anymore. I just wanted to be half as awesome as Allie. Ya'll, I wasted at least two hours this weekend (more, I suspect) reading her blog. I think that I needed the break from focusing on the mommy side of me. While I love this journey, and wouldn't trade it for anything, it can feel limiting at times. Distractions are good when you feel like that. Distractions can keep you from setting The Funk loose on your own weekend.

In completely unrelated news, we took a really great walk this morning. I pushed my pace (and the stroller :-P) all the way to Starbucks. Then we took the long way home which means we walked about 2.5 miles. I soooo wish that Lily Ruth was able to get exercise while Keely and I walk. She gets bored in the stroller. Then when we get home & I want to collapse, she's rested and ready to rumble.

Also completely unrelated, I've decided not to participate in the blog-land 'award' memes. I love them in theory, but in reality it feels like I'd be sitting around patting myself on the back for writing a journal. I am ridiculously grateful to Eileen for her beautifully complementary words, but I won't be passing it on. While I love that other people read this, I started this blog for me - as a way to push my comfort level with writing and journaling and as a way to document this time in my life. I will continue to follow, read and comment on other blogs, but when it came time to pass on the 'award', it made me feel like I was either self-promoting or judging the worthiness of other blogs. It made me uncomfortable, so I'm not going to do it. I'm sure I've over-thought this (again), but apparently, that's who I am.

Wow. That was hard to write! I'm such a people pleaser that I re-worked that last paragraph countless times. I was sure that everyone (all 10 people who read my blog... including me...) would think that I was saying that THEY shouldn't pass around blog awards or that I was insulting them in some other manner. O.k. THIS is why I used to avoid journaling of any kind - self doubt. OI! I'm doing it again! Martini, please!

Here, let's switch subjects. I 'planted' herbs and finished 'planting' the grass plugs. I use the quotes because my gardening techniques involve fancy tools like a kitchen spoon, a pizza cutter and the toe of my sneaker. The herbs seem happy


and the new grass plugs don't look any worse than their brethren who were 'planted' two weeks ago, so maybe they're not dead. I also kicked/pulled the dead bushes out of the front bed and whacked a bunch of young Hackberry saplings off at ground level. Those things are jerks. Since I just walloped 'em off with hedge clippers, they'll be back. But it made me feel better to do it. I also improperly yanked out a bunch of weeds in the back bed. They'll be back, too. Such is my lot as an impatient, untrained yard-keeper... :-)

Dear So & So... take 9

I DO love Fridays! If you want to join in the fun, head over to Kat's place (3 Bedroom Bungalow to Let in Crazytown) and link up :-)

Dear Doggie,

I'm sorry that you hate the rain, but I love it. You are welcome to crawl up here to snuggle/hide any time that you need, but I will continue to throw the house wide open every time that it storms. Sorry.

*Hugs*
Mama Dog


☂☂☂☂☂☂☂☂☂☂

Dear Rain,

Hi! Welcome back! I love the way the light looks over the pool right before you get here. The baby thinks it's hilarious when you plop soft, warm drops on her arms and head.

Your presence is welcome, and your results are appreciated, but let's not overstay our welcome. This isn't Seattle. Just saying.

Luv Ya,
Little Miss Damp Toes


☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

Dear Baby Daughter,

What is up? I thought you loved me! The biting stops or the nursing stops. Not negotiable.

In other news, you continue to be the apple of my eye. Daddy and I had so much fun showing you off last weekend! You were beyond adorable.

XOXOXO,
Mama


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Dear Eileen,

THANK YOU FOR THE AWARD! I promise to officially accept it and pass it on soon. Maybe if Lily Ruth takes a nap later...

You are cool (Ya'll should check out Giving Her All She's Got)!
the Grateful Geek

Face Bonking and Eating

Today's Recipe: Warm Weather Lasagne

Lily Ruth's personality seems to be growing faster than her legs, and folks, that is FAST. Each day presents a new opportunity for her to assert herself - and she grabs ahold of said opportunity and shoves it into her mouth.


I'm sure that every parent feels like their child is special and gifted. Some of them are even right :-P This being my first go at parenting, it's hard to discern normal from extraordinary because every new thing is covered with awesome like a layer of glitter... and I LOVE glitter.

Being me, I long for labels to stick on things so that everything has a clearly delineated place to be. Also, I would prefer it if everything fit into my own definition of 'acceptable'. Not to say that I am narrow minded. Quite to the contrary - if you could see my floors (and consequently, Lily Ruth's leg warmers), you would know that my version of acceptable is wide open and a bit sloppy. I just like to know what's what. Parenting is the exact opposite of that. So far, I've figured out that a lot of the time the best you can do is love fiercely, keep them from true harm and lead by example.

Especially scary to try when your child's emerging personality seems to be fearlessly inquisitive, terrifyingly intelligent and defiantly independent. Case in point, the head bonk. Lily Ruth's new favorite thing to do is to bonk her forehead on something (wall, furniture, Mama). She starts off gently, and increases force until it hurts/her forehead is red - laughing all the while. I have 'allowed' this without even trying to deter her, but today changed that. Today, we were in the pasta aisle of the grocery store when my darling daughter decided that she was done. She kicked her heels and vocalized. I said 'just a minute, baby. We're almost done'. She replied by banging her FACE against the cart handle several times in quick succession until she hit her mouth hard enough to warrant (in her mind) a top-of-her-lungs, full out, red faced scream. I was stunned, Then I was irritated and embarrassed. Nobody wants to be the mom with a screaming kid in the grocery store*. I scooped her into my arms (her original request), and hurried awkwardly through the rest of the store. Steering the cart with one hand and a foot.

What should I have done? Could this have been averted? Oh LORDY!

Well, the whole day was not modeled on that experience (whew). We had a great visit to Nanny's office, good lunch, an o.k. nap, a new toy, and delicious dinner at the Homestead.

Lunch was sort-of a surprise. Remember how I was worried about freezing cheese sauce? Well, like most worries, it would have been better left uncontemplated as the outcome was non-essential to anything. If it hadn't frozen well, who would have cared? As it turns out, it was fine. I followed the precedents set by my baby food pureeing, and slapped it into some ice cube trays, shoved it in the freezer and forgot about it. I saw it today as I foraged for lunch food, turned it out into a freezer bag, snagged three cubes, and went to town :-) I boiled up some teeny-tiny pasta shells, warmed up the cubes of frozen cheese sauce with some turkey sausage and frozen broccoli, combined it all, and served it up.


Lily Ruth was in HOG HEAVEN...


as was I. There was even enough left over to put into tiny containers for Lily to enjoy at Parent's Day Out tomorrow!

I had never given it any real thought before having a baby of my own, but I wouldn't have thought that feeding a baby was as easy as cooking good, healthy food then feeding it to them, but for us it is. I had visions of either jars of pureed weirdness or special recipes, equipment everywhere and separate meals until she was 'old enough' for other stuff. As it turns out, that's just not the case. My daughter nurses as often as she wants and is offered everything that I eat. Some of it she accepts gladly. Some of it she takes, mashes around then rubs into her skin. Some of it she throws directly onto the floor. Whatever the case, she's learning about food, and will eat more of it as time goes on. I feel very blessed that I have a 'good eater'... now, if only she was a 'good sleeper' too! What I wouldn't give for a full night of sleep!!!

Speaking of good eaters and good food, I made lasagna for dinner tonight, and it was sooooooooo gooooooood. I try to 'lighten up' lasagna in the warmer months by using more veggies and less cheese, and this is a good example of that:

Rachel's Warm Weather Lasagna

2 links hot Italian sausage - (I removed it from the casing)
1 small eggplant - diced
2 fresh tomatoes - diced
1 medium yellow onion - diced
1 pkg sliced mushrooms (I prefer crimini/baby bella)
4 large garlic cloves - finely minced
1 bag fresh spinach (frozen would work just fine - defrost it first)
1 jar GOOD tomato sauce - there's no shame in bottled sauce, but there IS shame in crappy bottled sauce
1 pkg lasagna noodles - uncooked
fresh mozzarella cheese
grated parmesean cheese

cook the sausage in a skillet. add the eggplant and tomatoes. simmer until the veggies are almost done then set aside (with all juices). using the same skillet, sautee the onion, mushrooms and garlic until the onions are almost translucent and the mushrooms have begun to shrink. turn the heat off, add the spinach to the pan, and cover until the spinach is wilted. lightly cover the bottom of a 9 X 13 baking dish with tomato sauce, then lay in a layer of uncooked noodles. add the onion, mushroom & garlic mixture. top with a layer of sliced mozzarella. add another noodle layer. lay in the sausage, eggplant and tomato mixture with all it's juices. coat that layer liberally with sauce (retain approx 1/2 of your sauce). add another noodle layer. top with the remaining sauce - make sure that all visible noodle has sauce on it, or you'll have crispy noodles. cover with foil and bake at 350°F for 50 minutes. remove from the oven, cover the top with parmesean, bump the oven temp up to 400°F, and bake (covered) for an additional 10 minutes. yum.

So, a shaky start, but in balance, a good day :-)

Go to bed, ya'll

* I almost forgot to explain my asterisk! I was once in the store (YEARS ago), and heard a kid screaming angrily from the other end of the building. The screaming continued off and on, getting gradually closer, until I reached the middle of the store. I rounded a corner, AND IT WAS SOMEONE THAT I KNEW!!! She was miserable and mortified, and the kid was FINE - just pissed off, and she had shopping to do. Ahhhh, Mommyville.

Older Tales - a Melange

In preparation for shutting down my Myspace profile, I'll be reposting a few of my favorite posts from that blog... bear with me if you've been subjected to these before. I decided that it was important to me to preserve the 'voice' that I had then...

A Few Things I've Learned - 10/07/09 (3 1/2 months old)

um, well... it's been interesting... or rather, not interesting so much as crazy... and yet we persevere...

3 1/2 months is tooooo young for out-of-town travel... it is more work than relaxation for Mama.

A baby of the aforementioned age can decide to go for over 12 hours without sleep, but she will make sure that you are as miserable as she believes herself to be.

13 pounds sounds light, but it will soon feel as though it could rip your arm out of it's socket - or perhaps you will just wish that it would.

My love for motherhood comes and goes... and comes back again. Strangely, it is not dependent upon the amount of screaming involved in any given day...

October weather is not any more conducive to clothes-wearing than July, August or September weather was. My best bet is still undergarments and (maybe) a tank top... unless I have to leave the house - then I stand in front of the closet and sob a little.

In that same vein, if you felt that you had 0.00 things to wear before pregnancy, you will have negative 3,000 things to wear after, and less money to remedy the situation.

It doesn't help to be a massage therapist yourself if your hands are too worn out to rub your own neck.

If someone with no attention span decides that they are bored, you are shit out of luck. There is no pleasing them.

There is no real way to explain why people agree to parenthood. Maybe they were hormonally tricked into believing it will be a good idea. Perhaps their friends lied to them about how hard it really is. The thing is, it can be every bit as miserable as it sounds, but somehow it not only evens out, but you come out ahead. Maybe the whole thing is a cosmic sleight-of-hand trick... pick a card. any card... no, not that one...


Late Night Musings - 09/25/09 (3 months old)

Everyone says it, but until you stand over your baby's bed in the middle of the night staring at them while they sleep, there is no way that it could even make sense. Until you're there just because you couldn't stand to not see them any longer, and you had to make sure that nothing could hurt them, the words didn't even have meaning. I'm crying now, but I think that it's because I finally understand what it means when 'they' say that the love you have for your child is like nothing you have ever felt before. Even if you believe that you have loved more deeply than anyone has ever loved, that feels like nothing compared to this. It's a bit surreal, and it's absolutely terrifying. I feel guilty for blowing off every single person who tried to explain this to me. I almost wish I could blame it on booze...

There is also nothing that compares to the first time you realize that this creature (for whom your love knows no bounds) is also smelly beast who will not be cleaning up after itself, and you alone are in charge of this diaper change.

Continuing in the theme of life altering moments, the first time someone screams into your ear at the very top of their lungs while simultaneously kicking you someplace tender and pulling your hair and you do NOT respond in kind, you just might be a parent.

If you realize that your back has seized up and one of your legs is completely numb because you have been sitting on the floor singing along to children's songs and trying to entertain someone who has no attention span for the last hour or so, you have just lived through every day of my life for the past 3 months.


My Life as a Baby Growing Device 02/13/09 (halfway there)

Well, here I am. Someplace I've always (secretly) wanted to be, and yet was not really prepared for - pregnant... oh, and 35 (almost 36)...

Since my mom had my first brother, I've thought that pregnancy was amazing. Through the years when I didn't want children of my own, I felt sad that I was going to have to miss out on pregnancy and birth. Now it's my turn, and I feel oddly compelled to lay it all out for ya'll - maybe it's the Benadryl talking, or the stress, or the lack of alcohol, random bad behavior or any of my other usual vices, but here it comes:

My life was crumbling around the edges a bit when Miss Lily Ruth was conceived. I mistook my early pregnancy symptoms for stress, and was imbibing a bit too much of the devil's juice on a nightly basis to combat said stress when I figured out that there was a baby in my body.

I quit drinking immediately - both coffee and alcohol - but miss them both desperately. I cheat with half-caff almost daily, and have taken up chocolate instead of wine (mostly).

I took a picture with my cell phone of the two home pregnancy tests that confirmed her presence, and still look at it regularly.

I had some nausea around weeks 5-7, but am now attributing this to the super-scary, ultra-green vitamins that I found at Central Market. I was supposed to take SIX of them a day, and by the evening, I was a bit green myself.

The first trimester exhaustion 'they' warn you about is real. One minute, you're fine, the next, you find yourself in the bulk section of Central Market about to cry because they don't have cots, and you still have to 1) finish making your selections 2) pay for them & 3) drive home before you can lie down. Never mind that you will no longer have any interest in cooking anything you just purchased and will instead choose fast food (again), and feel like a jerk for doing it.

What nobody really tells you (they just sort-of hint at) is that your body starts swelling almost immediately. You're like a puffed up version of yourself, but do not yet resemble a pregnant person. Very irritating. Oh yeah, the hormones kick in to high gear immediately as well, so LOTS of things are very irritating. Before your tummy is big enough to look cute, it is just big. Also, the baby is very very tiny, so even when you do start to pooch out a bit, it's probably just intestinal bloat. Ask my doctor. She'll tell you. At 14 weeks, I was soooooo proud of my baby belly until she reminded me of the actual size of my fetus at that stage (still real small), and informed me of intestinal bloat. Party pooper. The other side of this is that you'll probably be surrounded by well-wishers who are desperate to show their support by rubbing your belly. Let me tell you how awkward it is to know that your uterus is still down at the level of your pubic bone while folks pat what you now know to be your (bloated) intestines, and use baby-talk.

By the time Lily Ruth was 20 weeks old, I had seen her twice - 7 weeks (she was a blob w/ a heartbeat) & 11 weeks (an amazingly baby-shaped, fast-moving fetus!) - and started to feel her move, but I was still convinced that she couldn't be real. I mean, what else had gone right for me? How could something that great really be happening to me? When I saw her again, and the ultrasound tech said that she was a girl who was developing right on schedule, I was blown away! Her little nose, her perfect spine - are you serious!? Right there in my abdomen? It's all a bit surreal...

Another thing that nobody tells you is that pregnancy is slightly to fairly uncomfortable most of the time. All of your ligaments relax & therefore stop supporting you as they should, so your posture goes all whonky. At 5 1/2 months, I have to work at not waddling when I am tired. I'm fairly certain that before too long, I will not be able to resist the waddle - it will overtake me. Also, as your uterus grows, it crowds every other organ into a new location. In case you were wondering, there was no extra space in there to begin with, so the stretching begins... And while feeling Lily Ruth kick is amazing, it is also really really weird. I am so infatuated with her that I want the rest of the world to stop every time that I feel her move so I can focus on just her, but if she keeps going for a long time, eventually I start to feel vaguely nauseated, and a bit freaked out... but still obsessed with her every move!

I had a dream about meeting Lily Ruth. She was moving as usual, then I could see her foot push on my belly. Then I could see her spine push out. THEN, she showed up - I was holding her without having to go through labor - nice. She had soft light brown hair and a beautiful baby nose, but the rest of her details were fuzzy. I kept trying to focus on her features, but it was no use. I started to get frustrated, and then I woke up. Hmpfh. I guess I'll just have to wait... like everybody else...