Vision Check

I must begin this post with a confession. I happened upon a high school acquaintance's blog today (um, she posted it on Facebook), and it was so well written and so expressive that I furiously clicked back to my dashboard, and began trying to type out a better blog. Well, in writing my 'better' post, I realized that blogging has curtailed some of my more (shall we say) blindingly obvious story telling defects (rambling, non-sequiturs, etc.), and allowed others (dashes, ellipses, parenthetical references) to rage unchecked. So I realized (yet again), that I am who I am, and I have to write in my own style. So, while I may expand on some of these topics later or even on a different blog (yep, we're starting a multiple-mama blog soon), for now, here's what I was thinking about today... in my own damn style...

I started my journey into Motherhood with a very clear vision of how this was gonna go. I knew that there would be lots of things that I learned as I went along. I knew that patience and flexibility (two of my largest stumbling blocks) would be needed by the truckload. I did research on everything that came into my head regarding babies and motherhood. I talked to friends who had already started their journey, and picked their brains endlessly. I had very definite ideas about parenting. I knew just how to keep myself from making any of the 'mistakes' that I felt anyone else in the history of parenting had made...

Then I gave birth, and right from the start, my plans were foiled.

Nursing was hard. I was so sure that because I really wanted to nurse, and my body was MADE to do it, that it would be easy for me. Well, it wasn't easy, but I hung in there because it was important to me. Now my daughter is 8 1/2 months old and is still thriving on food produced by my body. An incredible concept for me. So that was a win - albeit a hard-won victory.

Sleeping was easy. Deceptively so. Lily Ruth even slept on her own in her pack'n'play and then in her crib. But she got crankier and crankier. Then at her four month check up, our new pediatrician informed us (and rightly so) that we were in the midst of a 'Sleep Crisis', and recommended Dr. Weissbluth's 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child'. It worked until I got sick over Christmas and brought the baby into our bed for my convenience. Now I have a bed-sharing maniac. Which currently makes this one a loss - but a loss with potential. I am determined to win, but am wavering due to sleep deprivation.

I wanted a strong, healthy, confident baby. Somehow, I managed to translate that into a child who thinks that she's the boss of me, her Daddy, the care giving ladies at Parent's Day Out, and everyone else. She screams if she doesn't get her way, and I am at a loss as to what happened, and how to fix it. So far, we're trying Cry It Out sleep training, and leaving her at Parent's Day Out even though she screams with indignation for most of her time there. Another loss, yet I press onward with the hope that my determination will win out over hers.

This WILL get better. It's already improving... in theory... she only yelled for 2 hours last night... of course, we're going on two hours tonight with no sign of stopping (**edit: she yelled for 3 1/2 hours, slept for 2 1/2, then yelled for 1 1/2 when Daddy couldn't take it anymore, and brought her in with us so that HE could sleep, and I could stay awake being kicked, scratched and mangled.)... but she 'had a good day' at Parent's Day Out today! Which hopefully translates into 'she didn't cry for the entire 4 1/2 hours that she was here'.

DANG, Ya'll! This Mommy Gig is HARD. Even restaurant work was less taxing - if more soul-sucking. Fine, this is better... much better...