If you've ever met me, you know that I am not small. Nothing about me could be called small - except maybe my patience. Now, this is not a bad thing, it's just who I am. What it does mean, is that when I gain weight, I get to really big really fast. And (just like the rest of the world), I do not enjoy shopping for clothing when I am feeling really big. Shopping becomes something that you HAVE to do, not something you could enjoy doing (p.s., I don't like clothing shopping in the best of times).
Something that is ALWAYS fun to buy though, are shoes. Your feet always look the same, and shoe stores tend to only have those tiny mirrors on the side of that little stool, so you can ignore any parts of you that you don't want to see. As a result, at any time in my adult life that I have avoided mirrors, I have turned to shoes. My closet floor is littered with a decade's worth of flights of fancy (fancy that was purchased for $40 or less per pair as we were close to broke for a lot of those years) that have become obsolete since I 1) became a massage therapist and 2) gave birth. I've pretty much lived in flip flops or sneakers for the last 5 years, and my beautiful shoe 'collection' has languished alone and neglected.
Luckily for me, I have (mostly) come to terms with my body in the past few years. We may not see completely eye to eye on my current shape, but I am by no means miserable about that. The only 'downside' to this has been that I lost the ability to justify needless shoe purchases... until today. Today, I chose to throw common sense and rational thought out the window so that I could purchase a pair of shoes that has haunted my dreams for a month now:
I know - HAWT.
I originally had no idea where this obsession came from. They're really not my style. They literally do not match even one outfit that I own. Yet, starting from the first moment I saw them starring as the 'shoe of the week' for Gabby B's, they have romped through my imagination. I can only picture myself in them from my ankles down because I seriously have not even one thing in my possession to wear them with, but this did not stop me. AND, in my defense, they were only $30. Practically free. Plus, it's so hard to put a price on happiness :-P
Here's what I think might have prompted this - the funk. The funk brings out the worst in you. Feeling old? The funk makes you feel ANCIENT. Feeling lonely? The funk makes you feel like Tom Hanks in that movie I never saw where he's stranded on a desert island with only a volleyball for a friend. I think that in my state of funk, I latched onto the shoes as something that would make me feel fun and hip and maybe even 'with it'. It sounds dumb to even type that, but sounding dumb doesn't make it any less true. Luckily for me, I recognized and acknowledged this ahead of time. Then I was able to process the funk, weigh my options, and buy the damn shoes with my eyes wide open, and no regrets in sight.
So thank you, funk, my inner child totally needed these shoes. You may retreat into your hole until our next battle.