I totally figured out one of my own behavioral patterns! This is exciting, because I normally just breeze through them without understanding why I'm behaving a certain way and am therefore unable to stop myself.
When thing happen that are beyond my control, I begin casting about for things that I can control. This is not unique to me. I'm pretty sure that it's fairly common. I couldn't control the miscarriage or how my body reacted to it, so I cut my hair (classic move for me - I can totally control my hair), and decided that I wasn't working hard enough as a mother. I found an area in which I could consider myself as lacking, and began to beat myself up about it. I fixated on the fact that I haven't been terribly creative recently. I've been a bit complacent about our daily activities. Instead of giving myself a break and acknowledging that I may have needed some down time, I decided to look at crafting blogs and freak out about not giving my child enough artistic and creative stimulus. Waaaaaaaayyyyy healthy.
At least I figured out what I was doing before I got a serious case of the crazies :-)
I'm still looking for new ways for us to express ourselves creatively, but I'm not feeling an obsessive need to do it all TODAY. I can take the time to plan something out, and do it right. Yaaaaayyyyyyyy for bursts of self-awareness!