Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Soapbox Moment

*** Caution - talk of Lady Doctor stuff coming up. You've been forewarned.

Ya'll, I am livid. I had my follow up appointment after the miscarriage today. The first thing that ticked me off was that I drove all the way out there for what would have been just a verbal follow up. That's right. They plunked me down in the doctor's office like I was there to interview her. Why go in for an appointment if all they're doing is blood pressure, weight and talking to me? Ohhhhhh, that's right. They can charge my insurance company for all of that... fantastic.

Since we were there and talking, she asked if I wanted to go ahead and get my annual exam out of the way. Sure. Why not? So there I am - stirrups, gaping gown and all. She had just finished my breast exam, and had seemed startled that I was still nursing. Fair enough. A lot of mamas have weaned long before 21 months. Whatever. We've chosen not to wean yet. She was right in the middle of the speculum portion of my day when she lays this one on me: 'You know, I just wonder if your nursing had anything to do with the miscarriage. Like maybe the hormone imbalance with the nursing was involved somehow.' I almost came unglued.

First of all, women have nursed through pregnancies and even tandem nursed multiple children for CENTURIES. I don't even have the energy to write out my feelings about extended breast feeding here. Suffice it to say that I truly hope to have Lily Ruth weaned before the next baby arrives, but I do not believe in cutting off nursing because you are tying to conceive.

Secondly, WHO TELLS A WOMAN THAT A MISCARRIAGE WAS HER FAULT!? I don't believe that what she said was true, but I do believe that it was incredibly insensitive of her to say it at all.

I was so impressed by this practice. I loved the staff. It's too bad that I'll have to find somewhere else to go once I do finally conceive again.


  1. I am ready to go over there and yell at that doctor!! Insensitive doesn't even begin to explain how I feel about her right now. Of course nursing had NOTHING to do with your loss and any medical professional would know that. And for the record, my mom nursed my brothers close to their second birthdays. I nursed The Tortoise for 18 months and only stopped because I was in the middle of a terrible divorce and custody battle. You did NOT cause anything. You are an amazing mother and that doctor is an idiot.

  2. Thank you Emily :-)

    All I could think was - that is so IGNORANT!

  3. Are you freakin' kidding me? This is a doctor, right, not an RN? I know that "extended nursing" isn't the norm, but it's not unheard of. I know several women that nursed TROUGH pregnancies. Hell, I also know folks that got pregnant breastfeeding and didn't know it BECAUSE they were breastfeeding. I was still nursing P (18mo) at my last exam, and my OB went out of his way to make sure he didn't make things, uh, squirt during the breast exam. Can you get a different doc?

  4. G - I will not be retuning to that practice. I think that my next step will be to find a practice that uses midwives as well. I'm pretty sure that a practice that believes in midwives will also support probiotics, extended nursing and a birth experience that does not include me laboring flat on my back for 17 hours... we'll see...

  5. Wow - I can't believe that anyone in the medical profession would say anything like that. Women are designed to breast feed and have babies - AT THE SAME TIME! I am surprised she didn't tell you to lie still with your feet up in the air for a day or two after conceiving for when you try again. Find a new doctor now missus because yours seems to have her own imbalance (and its not hormonal if you get my drift).

  6. I was just going to say midwives! If you've read my blog at all you've seen I'm slightly excited about that possibility I had no idea existed until several months ago. Amazing how all of my fear of birthing disappeared when I stopped thinking I had to submit to a bossy doctor and unknown nurses in one of my most vulnerable times...

    Also, you would probably enjoy My OB Said What?!? It's a fun site. If you enjoy smashing your head against things.

    Also, I am sorry for your loss, and can't believe ANY caregiver would say such bullshit. At all. Period. If she suspected it she should keep her mouth shut, go check her RESEARCH, and then possibly if she found overwhelming evidence and wanted to help you avoid future miscarriages, contact you and tell you that while nothing is your fault, there have been studies which have shown X so if you are going to try to conceive again you might consider it. See, if she'd done that she would never have gotten to the talking to you stage, since there is no evidence!

    OK, I'm slightly emotional and also slightly tired of stupid doctors, so sorry for the rant.

    *steps off your soapbox*